let go & walk away

Everyone has something they hold on to....a habit they can't stop......a feeling they don't want to feel.....a person they need to let go of.

In one hand, it gives you pleasure; In the other hand, it brings you pain. Something always brings you back to it....like gravity....like a magnet....You can't stop the uncontrollable force. Inside your screaming, begging, pleading, no more!  It hurts but you can't let go....can't stop your own suffering. It's an addiction, without a cure. You keep going right back to the one thing you need to walk away from. You think you are strong enough to just give it up.....you're just not ready yet. It has a hold on you, without touching you. You don't realize how fragile you are.....vulnerable....unable to break the chains keeping you tied down. You tell yourself you are done, at the end of each day, deciding you have had enough. Like clock work, the new day begins with the craving.....for that one thing. It's all you can think about, until you succumb to it and you give in. One more day won't hurt anything but in fact it is another day you are torturing yourself. Another day of wasted time you can't get back. You know the outcome is always going to be the same....but maybe you think that in time, it will get better...easier....or things will change.  It's never easy......even when it's something you want.

I wish I had never opened myself up to this addiction.