Therapy for My SouL

I've started going to therapy again. I have had a lot on my mind lately and no one to really talk to about it, well, no one that I feel like wouldn't judge me, and I needed someone to LISTEN and direct my thoughts in a more positive direction, not someone that would hear me out then tell me how they would do my life differently.

As soon as I sat down in her office and she asked me what was going on my mind went blank! I couldn't remember why I made the appointment to begin with but then it happened, the filter between my brain and my mouth vanished. Everything that has bothered me in the past year was trying to get out. There were moments when all my thoughts were trying to escape at once causing me to freeze but I managed to just push aside the things that were not that important and I continued to pour out my soul.

I love my psychologist, it's her JOB to be understanding, but it feels so good to have someone I can talk to that truly understand why I feel the way I do about things. The best thing about talking to her is, she doesn't tell me I am WRONG for feeling or thinking the way I do. She also is able to help me view things with a different perspective.

From this particular session, I learned something very significant about myself. When she brought this to my attention I was shocked, even in denial at first but moments later it began to make perfect sense. Sometimes, the way we are raised plays a huge part in how we determine what is right or wrong in our adult life.

Children that are raised by parents that work hard for what they have more than likely will become adults that don't like to ask for help, even in bad times. Children that are born into a poverty stricken family may grow up never wanting to settle, always wanting more. Children raised by parents that don't try to work to provide for their family and have excuses for why things are so bad may end up with a 'poor pitiful me' attitude and will always play the victim card so people will pity them and help them instead of them standing on their own feet and doing for themselves. Children raised around physical abuse may grow up to think that just b/c their husband doesn't cheat on them, or doesn't hit them means they are a perfect man.

People have told me I should stop blaming my parents for me being how I am but who else is to blame for the type of person we become? Is that not our purpose for being parents, to mold our children, teaching them right from wrong and giving them the tools they need to survive the real world. You can't take back years of teachings, so how do we change who we are as adults if we are not happy with the way we turned out? I have several views that were automatically placed in my core that I didn't realize were there that I MUST change.

The way I see it . . . Change is never easy, but if what your doing isn't getting you where you want to be then CHANGE IS INEVITABLE!

Looks can be deceiving

You go to the grocery store- You pull in a parking spot beside a lady getting out of her newer model car than what you drive - You do your shopping then go get in line to check out- The lady that parked beside you is in front of you, she is dressed nice, is talking on her cell-phone - then you notice she pulls out the infamous BLUE government funding card AKA Food Stamp Card. WHAT THOUGHTS BEGIN TO FORM IN YOUR MIND? DO YOU AUTOMATICALLY JUDGE HER? DO YOU ASSUME SHE IS ABUSING THE SYSTEM?

This is really a tough situation to debate- I try not to 'judge' anyone based on what 'I SEE' and instead only form an opinion on what 'I KNOW' about their situation.

I was one of those ladies, driving a new car, wearing nice clothes, cellphone in hand, while on food-stamps. It wasnt because I used my money for nice things while allowing tax payers to pay my groceries, it was b/c I already had these things & my husband was laid off work.

It was September 2008 when I gave birth (& almost died doing it) to my youngest daughter. Two months later, my hubs was informed he was being laid off. He was given the opportunity to transfer to a different section of the plant that was promised to not be involved in the lay off, but only if he gave up his seniority (2 yrs) and knowing he had a new addition to the family to support, he took the transfer. It was exactly 28 days later he received his second lay off notice. Now, he was out of work and the economy was going downhill. He searched for work every where, taking odd & end jobs where he could find them. Scared for loosing our home and car and not being able to provide the necessities, I searched for work as well. I was able to find a minimum wage job while my hubs stayed home with our daughters. Going from the hubs having a job that pays close to $20 an hour down to a minimum wage job caused us to make a lot of sacrifices. I had to cancel our internet, our cable, medicines I was taking I could no longer afford so I stopped taking them, buying the top brand diapers was no longer possible - yet the cheap ones caused a rash, no eating out at fast food or restaurants, no excessive driving and we even stopped attending church b/c it was a thirty minute drive one way. Even after cutting every corner I could, the bills started to fall behind. I immediately went and applied for food stamps. This relieved some financial stress.

-Granted, I do know some people take advantage of the system HOWEVER, if it wasnt for that system we would have lost our HOME & VEHICLE due to not being able to afford the payments.

THE WAY I SEE IT - Just because someone 'Looks' like they have it all together, doesn't mean they really do. Isn't is better to assume everyone is acting with good intentions instead of always assuming everyone is up to no good?

Thinking people are up to no good is THINKING NEGATIVELY
Thinking people have good intentions is THINKING POSITIVELY

LET'S TRY TO BE MORE POSITIVE!

Born This Way *OR* Taught this way

Becoming pregnant after only four weeks of being with my husband ruled out the possibility for us to really get to know each other and how we felt about certain issues when it comes to raising kids. If there is one piece of advice I could give for my daughters it would be to [Get to know the man in your life before having children with him] because there are things that will arise in your relationship where it is imperative for you to agree on how to handle the situation.  I am not saying I regret my marriage or anything like that, I just wish I had that opportunity to sit down and discuss our beliefs, morals and values that we wanted to make sure to pass along to our children.

For some reason lately I have been thinking about situations with my kids in which my hubs and I have a tendency to disagree. It started with my oldest KENSI giving away her make-up (lip gloss she begged for) that the Easter bunny (me) gave her.

On one hand, i felt proud for her giving it to the little girl that rides the bus with her b/c she is less fortunate than and it is obvious she does without. On the other hand, i was very aggravated that she gave it away the very next day without my permission. This is not the first time she has done this and she did get into trouble the last time. I explained to her that if she wanted to give this little girl something she was to come to me first and get permission. Since I was at work when this event took place, she asked her father for permission to give it to her friend, obviously- he said "it's your make-up to do whatever you want to with it". I was furious! I do NOT agree. If I go out of my way to give my daughters things they ask for, I do not want them to turn around and give it away. I would not go out and buy it for them in the first place if I knew that would have happened.

After having a long conversation about this and many other things, we came to the conclusion that there are several things that we disagree on when it comes to raising our children. One in particular that I am unsure of how will turn out is the possibility of our (tom-boyish) youngest daughter becoming a lesbian. I know in my heart, I would love her just the same. I would be supportive and would stand by her side. The hubs, not so sure. Another, if our daughter wanted to date someone outside her race. This is an absolute big NO NO with MANY of my own family members AS WELL as with my hubs family BUT - I AM NOT RACIST. I have no problem with this issue. As long as my children are happy, healthy, and their significant other treats them with respect and as long as they have a desire to do well in life (college, career, family etc...) I will be supportive in whoever they choose to date.  The hubs, not certain.

SO - who determines what life lessons, morals, values we are to teach our children?

In some ways, I honestly don't think it matters. I know for a fact that you can grow up with a racist family and become a very open minded person (Yes, this is ME) and there are other times when you become just like the family you were raised by, having the same ideas about life and how you should live as if you were born in the 60's. CHILDREN are going to be THEMSELVES, not how WE WANT THEM TO BE.

The way I see it. . . I have certain things I want to make sure my girls are taught regarding Respecting other people and not judging people based on the color of their skin or how they look or even based on their sexual preference - I will teach my children about life 'the way I see it' and just pray they turn out to be Law Abiding citizens that will help the next generation be more open-minded to the FACT that GOD MADE US ALL UNIQUE AND GOD LOVES US ALL JUST THE WAY WE ARE therefore, we should LOVE ONE ANOTHER REGARDLESS