Therapy for My SouL

I've started going to therapy again. I have had a lot on my mind lately and no one to really talk to about it, well, no one that I feel like wouldn't judge me, and I needed someone to LISTEN and direct my thoughts in a more positive direction, not someone that would hear me out then tell me how they would do my life differently.

As soon as I sat down in her office and she asked me what was going on my mind went blank! I couldn't remember why I made the appointment to begin with but then it happened, the filter between my brain and my mouth vanished. Everything that has bothered me in the past year was trying to get out. There were moments when all my thoughts were trying to escape at once causing me to freeze but I managed to just push aside the things that were not that important and I continued to pour out my soul.

I love my psychologist, it's her JOB to be understanding, but it feels so good to have someone I can talk to that truly understand why I feel the way I do about things. The best thing about talking to her is, she doesn't tell me I am WRONG for feeling or thinking the way I do. She also is able to help me view things with a different perspective.

From this particular session, I learned something very significant about myself. When she brought this to my attention I was shocked, even in denial at first but moments later it began to make perfect sense. Sometimes, the way we are raised plays a huge part in how we determine what is right or wrong in our adult life.

Children that are raised by parents that work hard for what they have more than likely will become adults that don't like to ask for help, even in bad times. Children that are born into a poverty stricken family may grow up never wanting to settle, always wanting more. Children raised by parents that don't try to work to provide for their family and have excuses for why things are so bad may end up with a 'poor pitiful me' attitude and will always play the victim card so people will pity them and help them instead of them standing on their own feet and doing for themselves. Children raised around physical abuse may grow up to think that just b/c their husband doesn't cheat on them, or doesn't hit them means they are a perfect man.

People have told me I should stop blaming my parents for me being how I am but who else is to blame for the type of person we become? Is that not our purpose for being parents, to mold our children, teaching them right from wrong and giving them the tools they need to survive the real world. You can't take back years of teachings, so how do we change who we are as adults if we are not happy with the way we turned out? I have several views that were automatically placed in my core that I didn't realize were there that I MUST change.

The way I see it . . . Change is never easy, but if what your doing isn't getting you where you want to be then CHANGE IS INEVITABLE!