Coping

After all the drama I had around Mother's day, I had an appointment with my therapist, in which I was given some "tools" to help me cope with 'people that want to control certain aspects of my life' I have in fact been able to use these tools and have found that they work very well!

It's amazing how simple rules like: walking away or removing certain people from your life & learning to disengage from argumentative conversations can make such a difference. I have been able to put myself around a certain person without even speaking to them, as a matter of fact I have not made eye contact either. Even at times, when this person was in the same room as me - they attempted to answer questions I had asked someone else, I simply ignored their reply and walked out of the room. Even still, I have not kept my children from the person (even after my therapist stated "if i were you, there is no way in hell I would allow my children around her") She has the ability to call the kids, she knows where we live, and even is listed as an authorized pick up person at the daycare center we are using for the summer. Yet, she chooses not to.

I am by no means a perfect person, I've never claimed to be. I just know that what I feel is the right thing to do is not always going to be what someone else thinks is the right thing to do. My opinions are in fact MINE and mine alone. I have the right to express my opinion, but I will never try to persuade someone into agreeing with me just because I do not understand them. Too often people will judge others negatively based on a simple "lack of understanding" and in return will miss out on some very important life lessons.

The way I see it . . . .

I live my life the way I see fit - some may like my lifestyle, others may not. I don't tell others how to live their lives and therefore I expect the same RESPECT for letting me live MY LIFE as I choose.

The Sacrifice of a Working Mom

Moms always make sacrifices, some more than others. Not everyone is blessed with wealth. Not everyone is blessed with the ability to have two working parents. There are certain situations and circumstances that make it where moms have to get full-time jobs just like dads. Sometimes, it's because dad doesnt make enough money. Sometimes, it's because mom and dad have too many bills. Sometimes, though it's rare, it's because mom wants to work to stay sane! Regardless of the reasons, moms go to work each day, knowing that it is one more day of time missed with their children.

As someone that grew up poor, I work to provide my kids with a good life, one like I never had. I want to be able to put them in sports, buy them nice things, and actually have money for vacations & weekend outings. I am one of those moms that honestly, doesnt have to work. My hubs makes enough that we could survive off his paycheck alone, and we actually have for the most part of our 8 year marriage. However, I do not want to merely survive, I want to thrive. As a working mom, I do not get as much quality time with my kids during the week as I'd like to - but I knew that was a sacrifice when I accepted the job. I do my best to make it up to them on the weekend.

So, how pissed off do you think you would be if someone were to ask your child "Does mommy spend time with you?" -Yeah, I was/am livid. How dare ANYONE talk bad about me & my mothering skills TO MY CHILD. Just because I am not here 24/7 to be at my child's beck and call, I know for a fact they are very well taken care of. My oldest (the one that was asked this very question) is only 7 years old. To tell you the honest truth - she told me that she gave the answer of "NO" to this person. When I asked her "why would you say that?" Her response to me was this...."well mom, you havnt taken me to get my nails done in forever!" (It's been two weeks since I took her with me and got her nails painted) So, see. . . . she doesn't even understand the reference being made in the question. 

Situations like this is what makes me shake my head. So....while that someone is talking about how I am a terrible mother because I CHOOSE to go to work & provide a good life for my kids - I am relaxed and happy with my life, my hubs, & my kids - my daughter obviously gets enough attention at home b/c she doesn't ASK to be anywhere else!

The way I see it . . . .

I would rather be a working mom, making the CHOICE to sacrifice time that could be spent at home with my kids instead of spending each day sitting at home with them and telling them WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE - We must stay home because we don't have the money to go anywhere, or go do anything.

Team " C "

It's been so long since I've written a blog, or even spent more than five minutes on my blog page. Now that things are easy breezy I thought I'd take the time to fill in the gaps (just a little) I had several weeks in a row right before Mother's Day that I was having problems with certain 'in-laws' and at one point I thought I was going to blow a fuse in my brain.

After the last blow up - I decided to step back and let my hubs handle his family. I told him I didn't want my girls near this specific person - she was not a good role model and was nothing but trouble so if he felt it was ok and insisted that she get to spend time with our girls I would stand down under the terms that I have nothing to do with any of it, not even planning the pick up or drop off of the kids. After the agreement for "HER" to have both of our girls at the same time - she once again, proved that she will indeed go behind our backs, and make a difference in the way she treats our daughters, even doing so in front of my youngest.

After returning the girls home I immediately took notice of how they were dressed. They had just left a movie theater so I was a tad shocked (to say the least) when I noticed the extreme difference in how my girls appeared. My oldest had a brand new dress on, new flip flops, a new necklace, her hair had been styled & a pretty bow placed in it as if she had been given a bath before leaving for the movie; while my youngest was wearing mixed-matched clothes, hair in a pony tail that looked like she slept in it, and was just dirty - as if she had been playing outside right before they went to the movie. As their mother, I know how fast my toddler can get dirty so I pushed back the thoughts of this being done purposely. I moved on to the bag of items my oldest was holding. After a few questions, I learned she had been taken into a store and bought these specifically for her. When I questioned what items were bought for my toddler, I was told they didnt buy her anything. So not only did she buy things for one child and not anything for the other, but she made the purchases in front of the child that didnt get anything. (I will NEVER completely understand this woman).

I made sure to keep the kids appearance the way it was so my hubs could see for himself and I had our daughter tell the story of their afternoon to him as well. He was not happy. Needless to say, she hasn't had the girls since. Not that she hasn't asked, because she has asked, several times, but because my husband took a stand for our kids and said NO. WE are now a TEAM - looking out for the best interest of our kids well being.

It has taken time (more than I expected) and patience (on my part) for my hubs to see the big picture and get a real understanding but now that we are on the same page when it comes to how our daughters are treated, I do not have to worry. I know he will handle the situation and I trust him to make certain that NO ONE treats ANY of my girls better than the other.

THE WAY I SEE IT. . . . . 

You can't hide forever - your true colors will eventually shine through & people  will see you for the person you really are. (You just better hope it's the type of person they want to keep in their life)