Team " C "

It's been so long since I've written a blog, or even spent more than five minutes on my blog page. Now that things are easy breezy I thought I'd take the time to fill in the gaps (just a little) I had several weeks in a row right before Mother's Day that I was having problems with certain 'in-laws' and at one point I thought I was going to blow a fuse in my brain.

After the last blow up - I decided to step back and let my hubs handle his family. I told him I didn't want my girls near this specific person - she was not a good role model and was nothing but trouble so if he felt it was ok and insisted that she get to spend time with our girls I would stand down under the terms that I have nothing to do with any of it, not even planning the pick up or drop off of the kids. After the agreement for "HER" to have both of our girls at the same time - she once again, proved that she will indeed go behind our backs, and make a difference in the way she treats our daughters, even doing so in front of my youngest.

After returning the girls home I immediately took notice of how they were dressed. They had just left a movie theater so I was a tad shocked (to say the least) when I noticed the extreme difference in how my girls appeared. My oldest had a brand new dress on, new flip flops, a new necklace, her hair had been styled & a pretty bow placed in it as if she had been given a bath before leaving for the movie; while my youngest was wearing mixed-matched clothes, hair in a pony tail that looked like she slept in it, and was just dirty - as if she had been playing outside right before they went to the movie. As their mother, I know how fast my toddler can get dirty so I pushed back the thoughts of this being done purposely. I moved on to the bag of items my oldest was holding. After a few questions, I learned she had been taken into a store and bought these specifically for her. When I questioned what items were bought for my toddler, I was told they didnt buy her anything. So not only did she buy things for one child and not anything for the other, but she made the purchases in front of the child that didnt get anything. (I will NEVER completely understand this woman).

I made sure to keep the kids appearance the way it was so my hubs could see for himself and I had our daughter tell the story of their afternoon to him as well. He was not happy. Needless to say, she hasn't had the girls since. Not that she hasn't asked, because she has asked, several times, but because my husband took a stand for our kids and said NO. WE are now a TEAM - looking out for the best interest of our kids well being.

It has taken time (more than I expected) and patience (on my part) for my hubs to see the big picture and get a real understanding but now that we are on the same page when it comes to how our daughters are treated, I do not have to worry. I know he will handle the situation and I trust him to make certain that NO ONE treats ANY of my girls better than the other.

THE WAY I SEE IT. . . . . 

You can't hide forever - your true colors will eventually shine through & people  will see you for the person you really are. (You just better hope it's the type of person they want to keep in their life)

Born This Way *OR* Taught this way

Becoming pregnant after only four weeks of being with my husband ruled out the possibility for us to really get to know each other and how we felt about certain issues when it comes to raising kids. If there is one piece of advice I could give for my daughters it would be to [Get to know the man in your life before having children with him] because there are things that will arise in your relationship where it is imperative for you to agree on how to handle the situation.  I am not saying I regret my marriage or anything like that, I just wish I had that opportunity to sit down and discuss our beliefs, morals and values that we wanted to make sure to pass along to our children.

For some reason lately I have been thinking about situations with my kids in which my hubs and I have a tendency to disagree. It started with my oldest KENSI giving away her make-up (lip gloss she begged for) that the Easter bunny (me) gave her.

On one hand, i felt proud for her giving it to the little girl that rides the bus with her b/c she is less fortunate than and it is obvious she does without. On the other hand, i was very aggravated that she gave it away the very next day without my permission. This is not the first time she has done this and she did get into trouble the last time. I explained to her that if she wanted to give this little girl something she was to come to me first and get permission. Since I was at work when this event took place, she asked her father for permission to give it to her friend, obviously- he said "it's your make-up to do whatever you want to with it". I was furious! I do NOT agree. If I go out of my way to give my daughters things they ask for, I do not want them to turn around and give it away. I would not go out and buy it for them in the first place if I knew that would have happened.

After having a long conversation about this and many other things, we came to the conclusion that there are several things that we disagree on when it comes to raising our children. One in particular that I am unsure of how will turn out is the possibility of our (tom-boyish) youngest daughter becoming a lesbian. I know in my heart, I would love her just the same. I would be supportive and would stand by her side. The hubs, not so sure. Another, if our daughter wanted to date someone outside her race. This is an absolute big NO NO with MANY of my own family members AS WELL as with my hubs family BUT - I AM NOT RACIST. I have no problem with this issue. As long as my children are happy, healthy, and their significant other treats them with respect and as long as they have a desire to do well in life (college, career, family etc...) I will be supportive in whoever they choose to date.  The hubs, not certain.

SO - who determines what life lessons, morals, values we are to teach our children?

In some ways, I honestly don't think it matters. I know for a fact that you can grow up with a racist family and become a very open minded person (Yes, this is ME) and there are other times when you become just like the family you were raised by, having the same ideas about life and how you should live as if you were born in the 60's. CHILDREN are going to be THEMSELVES, not how WE WANT THEM TO BE.

The way I see it. . . I have certain things I want to make sure my girls are taught regarding Respecting other people and not judging people based on the color of their skin or how they look or even based on their sexual preference - I will teach my children about life 'the way I see it' and just pray they turn out to be Law Abiding citizens that will help the next generation be more open-minded to the FACT that GOD MADE US ALL UNIQUE AND GOD LOVES US ALL JUST THE WAY WE ARE therefore, we should LOVE ONE ANOTHER REGARDLESS

Why Men Should Call Home Before Getting Off Work Early!

My hubs & I have taken a positive turn in our relationship. He is showing a genuine interest in my blogs and has even threatened me with creating a blog of his own. I have to admit, he is a very funny man and I am hoping he is not serious, he would steal all my friends, followers & would surpass me with his popularity. To start off, he wanted us to team up on a blog. He knows I have superior writing skills (OK, well that & the fact that he is too lazy to do it himself) & he has the material so this post is a team effort, from Hubs and Myself.

If you ask your husband if he knows who "BUCK" is, I am sure he will know what your talking about. All men have heard of him at some time or another. He isn't always referred to with this name but the idea is generally the same. BUCK  can also be referred to as: Jody, Milk man, Mail man, Pool boy, Gardener etc...you get the idea.  Well, since my hubs works at a company where most of it's employees are MEN and they all work long hours they speak of "Buck" often. Sometimes when I get that dreaded phone call (or text) that hubs is having to work a double shift he will make comments like "I better not come home to find some of my beer is missing!". He comes home with new "Buck" stories that have been shared around the plant, passed down from man to man like some sort of "rite of passage".

One of the first times I ever heard about this mystical man the hubs said one of his co-workers told him, "You want to know the KEY to a Successful marriage?...hubs replies, "What?"...Guy, " ALWAYS CALL HOME BEFORE YOU LEAVE WORK EARLY!"  I was really confused as to why a man would need to call home before getting off work early, so the hubs told me what the guys say at work. "One of the main reasons a Guy knows to call home before leaving work is because he knows if he gets home to find Buck in his house, there is going to a fight, & lets face it, after working a 12 or 16 hour shift, he really doesn't want to get his ass kicked in his own front yard by the man that is fucking his wife".

These sayings or stories are really funny and so we (Hubs & I) decided to share some of our most memorable ones with you. This is just the beginning as there are many many more buck stories out there.

1.Guy who liked to work a lot of overtime. So, one day the boss man comes to ask if  (lets just call him JOE) wants to work an extra shift so Joe takes it. Joe decides to call his wife to let her know. Upon wife getting news, she replies, "Its 1:30 right now, at 7:00 p.m. there is fucking going on at this house, you can be apart of it or not, it's your choice!"

2.  Guy gets ready for work one morning, he goes to the fridge to get his lunch and takes notice of a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon and a 12pk of Budweiser, thinking to himself he is going to enjoy them when he finishes his shift. Guy gets home from work, goes to the fridge to find there is only 2 eggs left, the bacon is gone and he now has 2 natural lights sitting in the place of where his Budweiser was. Now you know damn well his wife hasn't drank a 12pk of beer & ate up all the bacon & eggs by herself, hell she don't even drank beer!  As if this wasn't enough, he goes to take a shower and notices a wet/used towel laying on the bathroom floor as the wife is yelling "Don't use up all the hot water, I'm next!"

3. Guy comes home from work to find that the dresser the wife has always wanted him to move has now been moved to the other side of the bedroom. Guy asks his wife "How did you do this?", the wife's response, " oh, I just took all the clothes out of the drawers.", guy goes over and pulls out a drawer to find that all the clothes are still in the same position they were this morning when he was getting ready for work!

4. Guy goes to do bills one day and notices $80 spent at Victoria Secret, Guy says to wife "when the hell did you go buy this, and where is it?, The last time I saw some lace panties on you was over a year ago!!". Guy Goes back to the bills to find a new phone service purchase, a boost mobile to be exact.  Guy says to himself, "Wait  minute, she has a Sprint phone, on MY account! What the hell is she doing purchasing a prepaid phone!?

5. One day guy comes home from work, looks at checking account to see if they have enough money to go out to eat, taking notice that his wife just bought $20 in gas earlier in the day. Guy decides to drive her car  only to find her gauge is on Empty and he can't even reach the pedals! "Where the hell has she been to run out that much gas in 8hrs & who the hell has been driving her car, you know damn well at 5ft 5 aint no way in hell she can reach them pedals either!?!

The way I see it....These are just a few signs that you may or may not have a "buck" in your life.
TO BE FAIR...HUBS MUST GET HIS SAY IN TOO!
The way (hubs) sees it....  While most men trust their wives & do not believe they are screwing around, there is always going to be a group of men that will tell him that its inevitable that he will experience a "buck" at some time or another.

If I made you laugh, or even smile Please........be kind.......SHARE! LIKE! & COMMENT! ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE ANY BUCK STORIES OF YOUR OWN!!! WE'D LOVE TO HEAR THEM!!!

Fight till you dont know what your fighting for

There would be no passion in this world if we never had to fight for what we love. After all a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

When i first read this passage from a friend's page on FB i almost teared up. There is way too much fighting, arguing going on in my life and sometimes I just want to say screw it & just give up. I've always believed that anything worth having wont be easy, if it is easy it isn't worth it. So I know that all the arguing must be worth it in the end, but when is the end? How long do you keep fighting for what you love?

I've been back home almost a year now. I have been able to forgive the hubs for his wrong doings but he hasn't forgiven me, or at least his actions prove he hasn't. He says he wants to move on and keep his family together but lately he has been blowing up on me over some of the most stupidest things. The intensity of his anger is getting way out of hand as well. He has become borderline abusive. He says the most horrible things, things he never had said to me before and then wants to turn around the next day and apologize. I accept his apology because I understand he is still hurting but at some point he needs to decide if he wants to keep holding on to the pain or let go & move forward.

When I came home last year after our separation (see previous blog posts) my mother in law had several discussions with me in which she told me how she felt. She was hurt by my leaving as well and she was very angry with my decisions I had made & rightfully so. She told me about how she had heard something on Oprah about holding grudges and staying angry with people. She said that one quote helped her get over her anger with me and it was this: "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" Not saying she wanted me to die, but just that it was only doing harm to herself by staying angry.

I told the hubs he has got to find a way to let go of the anger & pain in order for us to move forward. Until he does this, we are stuck. It seems crazy to just throw away almost 8 years of marriage just because you are angry & hurt. I just hope that we are able to get over this hump and will come out of this stronger and wiser. I know I have learned a lot about what NOT to do in this marriage, now I am just waiting to see if putting up with all this fighting is worth it. The more fighting we do, the more I want to give up, not keep trying.

The way I see it..... Rough waters make me sick, not skilled.

What is my worth?

This is a question I've been asked during several job interviews, and it has also came up during some arguments with the hubs. He feels as though he supports me like a dependent, like a child & in return at times has tendencies of treating me like a child. I have worked some during our marriage, but I have also been raising his our two kids. It is not easy being a working mother but it sure is no walk in the park to be a SAHM either! Here is the run down of my working history during this marriage.

During my 7 years of marriage (will be 8 in April), I have worked off and on for 5 years. I began working when my oldest was about 2 weeks away from her first birthday. That job lasted 9 months. My boss sold the company and so I decided to quit work to go to college, this only lasted a year due to financial reasons (college isn't cheap). My boss needed me to come back to work for him after his assistant of 17 years was grieving the death of her oldest son (due to a car wreck), i obviously accepted. Only 3 months went by before I found out I was pregnant (the hubs & I had been trying to conceive), so of course after the birth of my second child I planned to quit working, however, this job was a total of 8 months because I was placed on bed rest toward the end of my pregnancy. Unfortunately, 3 months after the birth of our child my husband's company experienced layoffs and you guessed it...he was one of them. So I went back to work & he became a SAHD (Stay At Home Dad). About 3 weeks after getting a job paying minimum wage, my old boss called me up saying the girl I trained walk out and quit the job, Could I come back to work ? HELL YES! So, I had my job again. This time, it lasted 1 year & 5 months. After experiencing some marital problems and having long discussions with the hubs, we decided that me working wasn't necessary and the lack of time we had available to spend with one another was detrimental to our relationship which seemed to be falling apart so in a last resort to save our failing marriage, I quit my job once again. So, if you add that all up, in five years I worked a total of: 34 months = 2 years & 10 months of actually receiving a paycheck. As an Administrative Assistant, I know my worth. I know my strengths, my abilities & my skills that played a daily role in the productivity of the job.

One of my hubs biggest argument points is that " you don't contribute to the bills" or " I have to support you" and my favorite, "What is it that you do for ME?". I am his Partner!, Not his Dependent! Just because while being a stay at home mom I am not earning an income does not mean that I am not an equal contributor to this family. My work is at my home, for my family, my home is my office. As a stay at home mom, I think I know my worth yet I question it's value.

How do you place a dollar amount on a stay at home parent. Well, I look at the overall big picture, if I were working what would he be missing out on? If I were not around (God Forbid!) what changes would he have to make? Well here is the list I came up with based on weekly rates.

1. A Daycare, weekly average M-F 6am-6pm ($140 for my 3yr old/ $40 after school care for oldest)

2. A Nanny, for weekends & times beyond school hours to be here to help with homework, baths and playtime. (I guess approximately $200, weekends & nights would cost more)

3. A cook, someone to make sure the children get at least two cooked meals a day plus snacks. (Most good restaurants pay their su chef approximately $10 per hour, $120 per day X 7= $840)

4. A maid, someone to pick up after the children, to scrub the toilet & tub, to sweep & mop, wash dirty laundry, make sure there are clean dishes to eat & drink out of. ($340, i worked as one so I know exactly how much it would cost!)

5. A financial planner, someone to budget the money, & make sure the bills get paid. (These jobs pay big money, however I know the hubs mother would do this for free!)

& Lastly, lets not forget

6. A call girl, someone to satisfy his manly needs. (I know plenty of women that already flirt with him way too much as it is, so I am confident he could get this for free)

Where it stands If I were not here to help with our kids, hubs would be looking at spending around: $1,560 A WEEK! & These are approximate, not actual! Another factor is that It would be difficult to determine a dollar amount for these jobs considering my hubs works rotating shifts and does not work strictly Monday through Friday, he works weekends too. It would be difficult to find someone to fill these positions during weekend shifts & afternoon & night time hours & so, it's my guess that if he were able to find someone, their cost would be higher.

In conclusion, It is much easier to be a working mom because at least then you have a dollar amount on what you do. 

The way I see it....As a stay at home mom, my paychecks come in Smiles, Giggles & A/B honor roll on report cards. My worth in dollars.... A LOT MORE THAN MOST CAN AFFORD!

- phishing -

In the last few days I've learned a new word: phishing: I have to admit, I honestly thought it was the word 'fishing' just with a different meaning, until now, when I looked up the exact definition to paste into this blog. This is funny yes, also known in my daily life as a Tiffany Moment. Anyhow, after looking it up on Wikipedia I have learned it is a little bit more detailed than what the hubs explained to me, but the general idea for this word in my blog is: phishing- a way of attempting to acquire information. This 'phishing' is done while trying to keep your true intentions secret. 

My husband experienced a situation where one of his so-called friends did something that really hurt both of our feelings, & ended up phishing around to see how upset the hubs really was. Instead of being a grown man and calling the hubs to clear things up, he simply sent a one word text to see how the hubs would respond. My hubs is not like me, I would have called up the friend and demanded to know what was going on, why I was being left out of the loop of things, instead, he has ignored any communication with these friends. I feel hurt for the hubs. I would never treat a friend that way. 

What a cowardly thing to do. ....Seriously! I have learned over the years that I am just by nature a curious person, I normally say nosey but after looking up that definition to be offensively curious, i can say i am not offensive in my curiosity. I am not afraid of asking questions, or telling people off when they offend me.

If I have done something to offend a friend, I wouldn't go 'phishing' to see how pissed at me they are. Adults need to learn how to act their age. You don't go around treating someone you say is a good friend as if they were some guy down the road that you just call when your in need. If in fact you do something offensive, you should call up your friend and apologize (I understand for men this is a hard concept) or you can come up with a manly way of making things right. What you do not do is offend your friend, then go ask them for a favor. Anyone that thinks this behavior is acceptable needs to re-evaluate their friendships.

In the mean time, the hubs & I have plenty of friends, true friends, and family members too. So we wont be missing out on anything but unnecessary drama if these select few so-called friends decide continue their phishing trip.

On a more positive note: I learned a new word - & realized I'm not nosey, I am simply curious.

....Boundries....

I hate that my in-laws worry so much about what I post on my, and I quote "MY" facebook wall. I am not stupid, I know all about the privacy options.

I have several categories for people; Close Friends, Family, Church, Acquaintances, High School, Trusted Friends, & even a Restricted list. I know which people will be most offended by my posts and therefore I will enable the block/hide feature on a certain post to keep from causing any hurt feelings. Well, apparently there are adults out there that, I assume, get some sort of fix from acting like a high school drama queen, because I continue to find myself trying to explain why I posted a certain picture, or comment due to someone calling up my in-laws to say "OMG, Did you see what Tiffany put on her facebook wall?!", seriously, this has happened, and more than once.

Slowly but surely this is filtering out my fake friends from my true friends, so it does have its perks. However, it's the headache of being told how to live my life by someone that isn't living it. I have been told who I should be, how I should live my life, how I should raise my kids for way too long. It's my life to live however I see fit, who I should be is MYSELF.

 I have always been the type of person to say and/or do things embarrassing to myself, and frankly I think people love me for being my silly self. It's called having a "Tiffany" moment for a reason lol, and if I am not embarrassed why should anyone else be? If what I write doesn't have any negative affect on anyone else it shouldn't matter what it is I say.

Life is a learning process. We make mistakes and we learn from them. I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be. I just want to be able to look back when I am an Old Lady & tell my grandchildren how I overcame my obstacles while staying true to who God made me.

I realized after several heated arguments with my spouse that I am wrong to post on my facebook wall about things his family does to intentionally piss me off. It's a boundary that I have crossed a few times, mainly out of anger, frustration and hurt feelings. I made a promise tonight to him that I would no longer discuss publicly with my friends on facebook as long as I was allowed to BLOG about it :)