Looks can be deceiving

You go to the grocery store- You pull in a parking spot beside a lady getting out of her newer model car than what you drive - You do your shopping then go get in line to check out- The lady that parked beside you is in front of you, she is dressed nice, is talking on her cell-phone - then you notice she pulls out the infamous BLUE government funding card AKA Food Stamp Card. WHAT THOUGHTS BEGIN TO FORM IN YOUR MIND? DO YOU AUTOMATICALLY JUDGE HER? DO YOU ASSUME SHE IS ABUSING THE SYSTEM?

This is really a tough situation to debate- I try not to 'judge' anyone based on what 'I SEE' and instead only form an opinion on what 'I KNOW' about their situation.

I was one of those ladies, driving a new car, wearing nice clothes, cellphone in hand, while on food-stamps. It wasnt because I used my money for nice things while allowing tax payers to pay my groceries, it was b/c I already had these things & my husband was laid off work.

It was September 2008 when I gave birth (& almost died doing it) to my youngest daughter. Two months later, my hubs was informed he was being laid off. He was given the opportunity to transfer to a different section of the plant that was promised to not be involved in the lay off, but only if he gave up his seniority (2 yrs) and knowing he had a new addition to the family to support, he took the transfer. It was exactly 28 days later he received his second lay off notice. Now, he was out of work and the economy was going downhill. He searched for work every where, taking odd & end jobs where he could find them. Scared for loosing our home and car and not being able to provide the necessities, I searched for work as well. I was able to find a minimum wage job while my hubs stayed home with our daughters. Going from the hubs having a job that pays close to $20 an hour down to a minimum wage job caused us to make a lot of sacrifices. I had to cancel our internet, our cable, medicines I was taking I could no longer afford so I stopped taking them, buying the top brand diapers was no longer possible - yet the cheap ones caused a rash, no eating out at fast food or restaurants, no excessive driving and we even stopped attending church b/c it was a thirty minute drive one way. Even after cutting every corner I could, the bills started to fall behind. I immediately went and applied for food stamps. This relieved some financial stress.

-Granted, I do know some people take advantage of the system HOWEVER, if it wasnt for that system we would have lost our HOME & VEHICLE due to not being able to afford the payments.

THE WAY I SEE IT - Just because someone 'Looks' like they have it all together, doesn't mean they really do. Isn't is better to assume everyone is acting with good intentions instead of always assuming everyone is up to no good?

Thinking people are up to no good is THINKING NEGATIVELY
Thinking people have good intentions is THINKING POSITIVELY

LET'S TRY TO BE MORE POSITIVE!

A Real Life Issue

I am honestly on the fence about writing this one. I have opened up my life for everyone with my blog so I figure why hold this back. Maybe there are other women out there going through this same thing and either we can learn from each other or at the least know that we are not alone.

My life is always changing in some way so there is always some type of stress I am dealing with. For years I have dealt with depression either in my own way of ignoring it or taking medications, struggled with weight gain and marital problems. All of these issues have had an affect on my sex drive. ( I think )

When my relationship was new, I did not have any of these problems. After childbirth came weight gain, after weight gain came depression, and amid all of this there were problems in my marriage and thus my sex life has been below average. Of all the things my hubs and I have overcome, the topic of our sex life is a very sore subject.

We have had our ups and downs, but this past year we have learned a lot about getting through the hard times and learning about patience and understanding, but we still are not on the same page about our sex life. Hubs says I should want sex more and I say he should just be thankful for what he gets. He takes it to heart and makes it very personal, saying I don't want 'him' and that is not it at all. This makes me feel ashamed, and it makes my heart hurt - for him - because I do love him very much.

I am at a point to where we have had this issue for so long that I am desperate to find out what is wrong with me. I KNOW it is something wrong with me. He is a good looking man. He is a great lover. He is a wonderful father. He is an Amazing provider. As he says, Any woman would be grateful to have him.

I am making an appointment with my doctor. Maybe my hormones are out of whack. Whatever the issue may be, I hope to get it resolved soon so that my hubs doesn't loose all interest in me.

The way I see it:    No matter how bad you want something, some things about your body you just can't control.

Realizing I'm getting Old

When people ask me what are my plans for the weekend, my answer is usually the same; I am going to catch up on housework & spend time with the kids & hubs. I can remember the times when I would be calling around asking friends on Thursday what were they getting into on the weekend so I could go ahead and make my plans. I was pregnant with my oldest daughter when I turned 21 so I was already a mom when I went through the bar phase. I think back on nights at the club with my friends, looking at the hot guys and making fun of the old people when they came in, especially when they would attempt to get on the dance floor.

Now that I am 28 years old going out to clubs/bars just isn't on my list of things to do on the weekend anymore. I do not go looking for a babysitter just so I can go out. Usually it is only on special occasions that I do this. I honestly would much rather spend an afternoon at a friends house, enjoying my glass of sweet iced tea while the hubs enjoys his Budweiser or scotch. Doing this would make things so much easier. I wouldn't have to worry with trying to keep the kids out of my makeup while attempting to paint my face & away from the hot iron while attempting to straighten my hair. All our friends live within 15 minutes of our home so we wouldn't have too far of a drive & guess what... NO COVER CHARGE, No Closing down at 2 a.m. (that is if I can even make it that long, but still the option is there), no waiting in line for the bathroom, no nasty bacteria filled restroom, no having to watch your step from broken beer bottles or slipper floors, oh this list goes on and on. I really am enjoying my age, and am thankful that I have gotten over the hump of bar hopping. Even still, the few times a year that the hubs and I actually make it out to bars for karaoke or what have you, I still feel young and enjoy getting on the dance floor.

It wasn't until New Years Eve that I came to the realization: I am getting old!

I was sitting at our reserved table (the hubs, my brother & his wife) when I started to 'people watch'. My sister-in-law started pointing out people that were dressed in a way that made you go "WTF were they thinking!?" and we laughed so hard I thought we were going to piss our pants. There were women in sparkly dresses that looked more fit for a prom, men wearing suit & ties, even this one guy in suspenders and one of those little black top hats...yes it was very funny. You also had the usual girls with barely enough clothing to cover their ass cheeks, I think I actually spotted one girls panties hanging out from under her dress when she bent over (YES she bent over! Girls now days: No Class), but it wasn't these people that got to me. It was the table directly behind ours that had an 80 year old lady and several other men & women ages ranging from 50-70 years old. I couldn't believe my eyes. She even got out on the dance floor, I saw her taking shots with the band members and even at the end of the night was guzzling beer from a pitcher on stage! After seeing this, I started to gaze around the room paying more attention to the ages of the people in the club. There were more old people in here than young.  I doubt there were any couple or singles in that place under 25 years old. I turned to my brother on my left and said "Hey, there's a lot of old people in here." My brother looked up laughing at me and said " Tiffany, we are old!". He said something along the lines of 'if any body 21 years old attempts to come into this club they will take one good look and turn around and go somewhere else.

Really? Am I too old to party with the young-ens lol, I guess so. I thought about that the next day & even a little that night. If I were 21 again and I walked into a bar and saw people about my age that I am now, yeah I would probably think it was filled with "old" people.  This made me sad. Where did all my years of youth go?  Oh, yeah, I birthed two children in the past 7 years.

Here's to motherhood; Blessing me with two girls & being the cause of grey hairs, stress, & getting old.

Appreciation: Believing: Having HOPE -Merry Christmas

I have so much more appreciation for this time of year than most people i know. I have two different ways I view Christmas. (1) A time to give to families less fortunate than your own. & (2) A time to give my children the type of Christmas I use to DREAM of receiving.

There are not many memories from my childhood that I can speak of with pride. I honestly had more bad things happen than good. Christmas time is no different. Living in a single wide trailer made Christmas time confusing for me. I can't recall a single book or movie that showed Santa entering a home without a chimney, let alone entering a mobile home instead of a brick home.

I vaguely recall a night I heard noises coming from the roof, I was certain it was Santa's reindeer. This was the last time that I still believed.

I can't explain how it came about exactly, but at a young age I was fully aware that Santa did not exists. I knew that it was my parents that stayed up past my bedtime to place wrapped gifts under the tree. I also was somehow aware that these presents did not come from money my father made while working, but instead from donations of local churches. Once my father learned that I no longer believed, this time of year was nothing more than a time of year for all the kids around me to point out how wealthy their families were and how poor mine was. I dreaded the return back to school because I knew I would have to hear about all the wonderful gifts the other kids received, and to keep from giving them "one more thing" to poke fun of me about, i would lie and say I got the same gifts.

When I hear of families today that are going through similar situations, it breaks my heart. It isn't fair for any child to go without, at any time of the year, but more importantly at Christmas time. Believing in Santa gives them HOPE that things will be better and when they don't SEE any blessings they loose that hope and essentially their innocence.

I absolutely love being able to give freely to less fortunate families during the holidays, for if no one had been there for my family we would have been without some of the most BASIC things (Food, clothing etc) on many occasions. I am very blessed to be married to a wonderful, hardworking man that makes sure we are able to provide the best to our children. Also, I am so excited, each year, for Christmas morning to hurry up and get here. I can't wait to see the expressions on my girls faces as they open their gifts.

I love knowing that my children will wake up Christmas morning with toys under the tree that they have "asked Santa to bring them" and when they see such gifts they are guaranteed to believe for at the least another year.


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY FRIENDS & FAMILY!

....Boundries....

I hate that my in-laws worry so much about what I post on my, and I quote "MY" facebook wall. I am not stupid, I know all about the privacy options.

I have several categories for people; Close Friends, Family, Church, Acquaintances, High School, Trusted Friends, & even a Restricted list. I know which people will be most offended by my posts and therefore I will enable the block/hide feature on a certain post to keep from causing any hurt feelings. Well, apparently there are adults out there that, I assume, get some sort of fix from acting like a high school drama queen, because I continue to find myself trying to explain why I posted a certain picture, or comment due to someone calling up my in-laws to say "OMG, Did you see what Tiffany put on her facebook wall?!", seriously, this has happened, and more than once.

Slowly but surely this is filtering out my fake friends from my true friends, so it does have its perks. However, it's the headache of being told how to live my life by someone that isn't living it. I have been told who I should be, how I should live my life, how I should raise my kids for way too long. It's my life to live however I see fit, who I should be is MYSELF.

 I have always been the type of person to say and/or do things embarrassing to myself, and frankly I think people love me for being my silly self. It's called having a "Tiffany" moment for a reason lol, and if I am not embarrassed why should anyone else be? If what I write doesn't have any negative affect on anyone else it shouldn't matter what it is I say.

Life is a learning process. We make mistakes and we learn from them. I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be. I just want to be able to look back when I am an Old Lady & tell my grandchildren how I overcame my obstacles while staying true to who God made me.

I realized after several heated arguments with my spouse that I am wrong to post on my facebook wall about things his family does to intentionally piss me off. It's a boundary that I have crossed a few times, mainly out of anger, frustration and hurt feelings. I made a promise tonight to him that I would no longer discuss publicly with my friends on facebook as long as I was allowed to BLOG about it :)