Mother's Day Blues

The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about this special day is my mom, of course. She isn't here with me. She lives in another state. She doesn't call me everyday. She doesn't write me letters. She doesn't even come visit. My kids dont even know who she is. But I Love Her still.

I didn't grow up with my biological mother. My parents split when I was 3 years old and I don't even remember the first time I asked where my mother was. What I do remember, is how horrible my father would speak about her. He would always say she didn't care about me and she was worthless. I would always cry, and tell him he was wrong. I grew up thinking my father was the reason she wasn't around. I blamed him for years - until I was old enough to venture out and find her, then I found out the hard way; my father was right.

So this day is not easy for me. While everyone I know spends this day celebrating all the hard work and sacrifices their moms made for them. Or, if they don't have their moms living today they at the very least spend the day remembering all the good things about their moms and discussing how they have incorporated those things into their own life as a mom. I on the other hand, get to think back on all they years of disappointment I felt when my mom didnt call me for my birthday, or didn't see me on holidays. I think about how she lives 500 miles away and never comes up for a visit, she has a cellphone yet rarely calls to see how I am doing.  I could go on and on, writing for hours about the countless times my own birth mother has disappointed me.

For now, I take pride in knowing that as much as she is a horrible mom, I am a thousand times better of a mother than she could have ever been. Just like a mom has unconditional love - so does a child.

The way I see it - My mom was & is a terrible mother, but no one can ever replace her. She brought me into this world and for that, and that alone I AM THANKFUL. If I were never born, I would not have had the opportunity to bring into this world my two beautiful daughters. -Finding the positive from what seems to be an endless supply of negative.