The Sacrifice of a Working Mom

Moms always make sacrifices, some more than others. Not everyone is blessed with wealth. Not everyone is blessed with the ability to have two working parents. There are certain situations and circumstances that make it where moms have to get full-time jobs just like dads. Sometimes, it's because dad doesnt make enough money. Sometimes, it's because mom and dad have too many bills. Sometimes, though it's rare, it's because mom wants to work to stay sane! Regardless of the reasons, moms go to work each day, knowing that it is one more day of time missed with their children.

As someone that grew up poor, I work to provide my kids with a good life, one like I never had. I want to be able to put them in sports, buy them nice things, and actually have money for vacations & weekend outings. I am one of those moms that honestly, doesnt have to work. My hubs makes enough that we could survive off his paycheck alone, and we actually have for the most part of our 8 year marriage. However, I do not want to merely survive, I want to thrive. As a working mom, I do not get as much quality time with my kids during the week as I'd like to - but I knew that was a sacrifice when I accepted the job. I do my best to make it up to them on the weekend.

So, how pissed off do you think you would be if someone were to ask your child "Does mommy spend time with you?" -Yeah, I was/am livid. How dare ANYONE talk bad about me & my mothering skills TO MY CHILD. Just because I am not here 24/7 to be at my child's beck and call, I know for a fact they are very well taken care of. My oldest (the one that was asked this very question) is only 7 years old. To tell you the honest truth - she told me that she gave the answer of "NO" to this person. When I asked her "why would you say that?" Her response to me was this...."well mom, you havnt taken me to get my nails done in forever!" (It's been two weeks since I took her with me and got her nails painted) So, see. . . . she doesn't even understand the reference being made in the question. 

Situations like this is what makes me shake my head. So....while that someone is talking about how I am a terrible mother because I CHOOSE to go to work & provide a good life for my kids - I am relaxed and happy with my life, my hubs, & my kids - my daughter obviously gets enough attention at home b/c she doesn't ASK to be anywhere else!

The way I see it . . . .

I would rather be a working mom, making the CHOICE to sacrifice time that could be spent at home with my kids instead of spending each day sitting at home with them and telling them WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE - We must stay home because we don't have the money to go anywhere, or go do anything.

Mother's Day Blues

The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about this special day is my mom, of course. She isn't here with me. She lives in another state. She doesn't call me everyday. She doesn't write me letters. She doesn't even come visit. My kids dont even know who she is. But I Love Her still.

I didn't grow up with my biological mother. My parents split when I was 3 years old and I don't even remember the first time I asked where my mother was. What I do remember, is how horrible my father would speak about her. He would always say she didn't care about me and she was worthless. I would always cry, and tell him he was wrong. I grew up thinking my father was the reason she wasn't around. I blamed him for years - until I was old enough to venture out and find her, then I found out the hard way; my father was right.

So this day is not easy for me. While everyone I know spends this day celebrating all the hard work and sacrifices their moms made for them. Or, if they don't have their moms living today they at the very least spend the day remembering all the good things about their moms and discussing how they have incorporated those things into their own life as a mom. I on the other hand, get to think back on all they years of disappointment I felt when my mom didnt call me for my birthday, or didn't see me on holidays. I think about how she lives 500 miles away and never comes up for a visit, she has a cellphone yet rarely calls to see how I am doing.  I could go on and on, writing for hours about the countless times my own birth mother has disappointed me.

For now, I take pride in knowing that as much as she is a horrible mom, I am a thousand times better of a mother than she could have ever been. Just like a mom has unconditional love - so does a child.

The way I see it - My mom was & is a terrible mother, but no one can ever replace her. She brought me into this world and for that, and that alone I AM THANKFUL. If I were never born, I would not have had the opportunity to bring into this world my two beautiful daughters. -Finding the positive from what seems to be an endless supply of negative.

Born This Way *OR* Taught this way

Becoming pregnant after only four weeks of being with my husband ruled out the possibility for us to really get to know each other and how we felt about certain issues when it comes to raising kids. If there is one piece of advice I could give for my daughters it would be to [Get to know the man in your life before having children with him] because there are things that will arise in your relationship where it is imperative for you to agree on how to handle the situation.  I am not saying I regret my marriage or anything like that, I just wish I had that opportunity to sit down and discuss our beliefs, morals and values that we wanted to make sure to pass along to our children.

For some reason lately I have been thinking about situations with my kids in which my hubs and I have a tendency to disagree. It started with my oldest KENSI giving away her make-up (lip gloss she begged for) that the Easter bunny (me) gave her.

On one hand, i felt proud for her giving it to the little girl that rides the bus with her b/c she is less fortunate than and it is obvious she does without. On the other hand, i was very aggravated that she gave it away the very next day without my permission. This is not the first time she has done this and she did get into trouble the last time. I explained to her that if she wanted to give this little girl something she was to come to me first and get permission. Since I was at work when this event took place, she asked her father for permission to give it to her friend, obviously- he said "it's your make-up to do whatever you want to with it". I was furious! I do NOT agree. If I go out of my way to give my daughters things they ask for, I do not want them to turn around and give it away. I would not go out and buy it for them in the first place if I knew that would have happened.

After having a long conversation about this and many other things, we came to the conclusion that there are several things that we disagree on when it comes to raising our children. One in particular that I am unsure of how will turn out is the possibility of our (tom-boyish) youngest daughter becoming a lesbian. I know in my heart, I would love her just the same. I would be supportive and would stand by her side. The hubs, not so sure. Another, if our daughter wanted to date someone outside her race. This is an absolute big NO NO with MANY of my own family members AS WELL as with my hubs family BUT - I AM NOT RACIST. I have no problem with this issue. As long as my children are happy, healthy, and their significant other treats them with respect and as long as they have a desire to do well in life (college, career, family etc...) I will be supportive in whoever they choose to date.  The hubs, not certain.

SO - who determines what life lessons, morals, values we are to teach our children?

In some ways, I honestly don't think it matters. I know for a fact that you can grow up with a racist family and become a very open minded person (Yes, this is ME) and there are other times when you become just like the family you were raised by, having the same ideas about life and how you should live as if you were born in the 60's. CHILDREN are going to be THEMSELVES, not how WE WANT THEM TO BE.

The way I see it. . . I have certain things I want to make sure my girls are taught regarding Respecting other people and not judging people based on the color of their skin or how they look or even based on their sexual preference - I will teach my children about life 'the way I see it' and just pray they turn out to be Law Abiding citizens that will help the next generation be more open-minded to the FACT that GOD MADE US ALL UNIQUE AND GOD LOVES US ALL JUST THE WAY WE ARE therefore, we should LOVE ONE ANOTHER REGARDLESS

What is my worth?

This is a question I've been asked during several job interviews, and it has also came up during some arguments with the hubs. He feels as though he supports me like a dependent, like a child & in return at times has tendencies of treating me like a child. I have worked some during our marriage, but I have also been raising his our two kids. It is not easy being a working mother but it sure is no walk in the park to be a SAHM either! Here is the run down of my working history during this marriage.

During my 7 years of marriage (will be 8 in April), I have worked off and on for 5 years. I began working when my oldest was about 2 weeks away from her first birthday. That job lasted 9 months. My boss sold the company and so I decided to quit work to go to college, this only lasted a year due to financial reasons (college isn't cheap). My boss needed me to come back to work for him after his assistant of 17 years was grieving the death of her oldest son (due to a car wreck), i obviously accepted. Only 3 months went by before I found out I was pregnant (the hubs & I had been trying to conceive), so of course after the birth of my second child I planned to quit working, however, this job was a total of 8 months because I was placed on bed rest toward the end of my pregnancy. Unfortunately, 3 months after the birth of our child my husband's company experienced layoffs and you guessed it...he was one of them. So I went back to work & he became a SAHD (Stay At Home Dad). About 3 weeks after getting a job paying minimum wage, my old boss called me up saying the girl I trained walk out and quit the job, Could I come back to work ? HELL YES! So, I had my job again. This time, it lasted 1 year & 5 months. After experiencing some marital problems and having long discussions with the hubs, we decided that me working wasn't necessary and the lack of time we had available to spend with one another was detrimental to our relationship which seemed to be falling apart so in a last resort to save our failing marriage, I quit my job once again. So, if you add that all up, in five years I worked a total of: 34 months = 2 years & 10 months of actually receiving a paycheck. As an Administrative Assistant, I know my worth. I know my strengths, my abilities & my skills that played a daily role in the productivity of the job.

One of my hubs biggest argument points is that " you don't contribute to the bills" or " I have to support you" and my favorite, "What is it that you do for ME?". I am his Partner!, Not his Dependent! Just because while being a stay at home mom I am not earning an income does not mean that I am not an equal contributor to this family. My work is at my home, for my family, my home is my office. As a stay at home mom, I think I know my worth yet I question it's value.

How do you place a dollar amount on a stay at home parent. Well, I look at the overall big picture, if I were working what would he be missing out on? If I were not around (God Forbid!) what changes would he have to make? Well here is the list I came up with based on weekly rates.

1. A Daycare, weekly average M-F 6am-6pm ($140 for my 3yr old/ $40 after school care for oldest)

2. A Nanny, for weekends & times beyond school hours to be here to help with homework, baths and playtime. (I guess approximately $200, weekends & nights would cost more)

3. A cook, someone to make sure the children get at least two cooked meals a day plus snacks. (Most good restaurants pay their su chef approximately $10 per hour, $120 per day X 7= $840)

4. A maid, someone to pick up after the children, to scrub the toilet & tub, to sweep & mop, wash dirty laundry, make sure there are clean dishes to eat & drink out of. ($340, i worked as one so I know exactly how much it would cost!)

5. A financial planner, someone to budget the money, & make sure the bills get paid. (These jobs pay big money, however I know the hubs mother would do this for free!)

& Lastly, lets not forget

6. A call girl, someone to satisfy his manly needs. (I know plenty of women that already flirt with him way too much as it is, so I am confident he could get this for free)

Where it stands If I were not here to help with our kids, hubs would be looking at spending around: $1,560 A WEEK! & These are approximate, not actual! Another factor is that It would be difficult to determine a dollar amount for these jobs considering my hubs works rotating shifts and does not work strictly Monday through Friday, he works weekends too. It would be difficult to find someone to fill these positions during weekend shifts & afternoon & night time hours & so, it's my guess that if he were able to find someone, their cost would be higher.

In conclusion, It is much easier to be a working mom because at least then you have a dollar amount on what you do. 

The way I see it....As a stay at home mom, my paychecks come in Smiles, Giggles & A/B honor roll on report cards. My worth in dollars.... A LOT MORE THAN MOST CAN AFFORD!

Happy Meal's are THE DEVIL

I like to consider myself a good mom. I don't have much 'motherly knowledge' because well lets face it, I never had a mom. Ok, I had a step-mom from the time I was about 2 years old till I was 11, that's when I finally met my real birth mother & realized what a POS excuse for a mother she was (I know for most of you that dont know me personally this sounds horrible, trust me I could say much worse but I will leave that for another blog to come). It only took me 4 years to realize this but once I did I immediately moved back home to live with my dad.

I don't recall any memories of my step-mother being 'motherly' to me. All my memories are negative ones. You'd think that would make me the worst parent ever, I am not saying I am perfect but I could be much worse considering what foundation I was given to work with. I joined some "being a mommy" pages on Facebook just to get some advice, tips and to hear stories from other moms. Today, I came across a post that literally pissed me off. The page owner had asked her page viewers to click 'LIKE' if your child loves Happy Meals. then asked them  " How often does your family eat fast food?

Before I wrote what I had to say I wanted to scroll through the comments of other moms and as I read through them I was shocked and appalled at some of the responses some 'super moms' were giving. Let me just show you a few of my favorites: & yes that is being sarcastic!

1.Hell!! No!!! My child is 2 1/2 yrs old and has never put that poison in her body!!! I want my daughter to be healthy not obese and diseased ridden!!!


2. That is the most unhealthiest food u could give ur child.. Go home and COOK for ur child!!!!!


3. I wouldn't dream of putting that in my body, so there's no way I'd give that to my precious baby.


4. I would never feed my kids those chemicals. Fast food is also a PBJ sandwich with an apple and yogurt in a cooler bag eaten in the car. Just a little planning could keep the kids healthier.

Ok, so apparently to some moms out there I am a horrible mom because I like to give in to my girls by giving them a Happy Meal. I am lazy because there are times when I am on the go or for whatever reason don't feel like cooking so I swing in the local McDonald's as I pass by it on my way home. My children are destined to be OBESE because they eat fast food (WTF?) Oh and lets not forget I am poisoning my children by 'making' them eat a Happy Meal.  Who told these moms they were PERFECT? Or that they were raising their little demon seeds in a healthy world? Last I checked going outside is harmful to your body in some way.  

 It's the stereotypical parents that feed their children fast food meals daily and put the same children in front of a television or video game for the entire day instead of making sure they get some sort of good nutrition & exercise daily that make it difficult for all of us other moms. I monitor how much my children eat, how often they eat, and make sure they get plenty of exercise. My girls are very active, and they do get plenty of healthy foods daily so I am confident that I am not setting my girls up for obesity strictly based on the fact that I feed them fast food regularly.

 McDonald's isn't listed as one of the top fast food chains for nothing. I have no problem admitting that I feed my kids a happy meal once a week and if its a busy week they may get it twice. Hell, I think they may have had it twice in the same day on several occasions & Guess what... my 7 year old is tall & skinny, at home loves vegetables and fruit while my 3yr old is tall and lean, she is more of a meat eater herself. My kids play outside from daylight till dark getting plenty of exercise. Considering there are 3 Mcdonald's within 5 miles of my home, I have to drive by them every day and you bet your ass that if my kids are hungry and begging (sometimes screaming) for it....yes, I am going to buy them a happy meal and not feel guilty about doing so.

I am not going to deny my children the pleasure of experiencing the joys of life just because some scientist in a lab somewhere has pointed out some flaws in the product that could "potentially" (& that is the key word here) be harmful to their health. 

The way I see it..... if you go by everything all the studies that have been reported to show what is harmful to your health we all need to place ourselves in a bubble and never have any contact with anyone.  Geez....the ignorance of some people.

I wish I were a FLY on Martha Stewart's wall.

I never really pay too much attention to other moms who seem to have 30 hour days, that have a natural knowledge for being creative, and obviously have amazing time management skills. I actually know of some friends of mine that seem to have it all together. Their home is always clean, they seem to have a great relationship with their spouse, and they always come up with the time (& Patience!) to do the most creative projects with their kids & even some projects around the house. I have no idea how they do it.  I really wish I could be a fly on their wall.

Today alone I worked non stop & yet feel like nothing was really accomplished. Both kids woke up at 4 a.m., the oldest fell back asleep but my 3yr old insisted on demanding; Cartoons, A juice Cup, a princess movie, claiming she was hungry was at the 6 a.m. marker, so I finally crawled out of bed (after going to sleep at 1 a.m. myself) went to the kitchen & put on a much needed pot of coffee. I got both kids fed, my 7yr old ready for school, drove her there, came home and began housework.

 I washed, dried & folded two loads of laundry. I washed a sink full of dishes from the night before that didn't get done. I swept the floors then  moved all my living room furniture to sweep under them. I re arranged the furniture (since I finally got around to taking down the Christmas tree) and by this time, I was starving so I sat for about 20mins, or long enough to eat a ham sandwich. Then I went through some paperwork that was stashed under the end tables before I realized the time, the hubs walked through the door which meant it was time to go pick up my daughter from school.

It is 3:45 p.m. by the time I returned home because today the girls wanted McDonald's for supper (KEEP YOUR EYES OUT FOR ANOTHER BLOG IN THE WORKS ABOUT TAKING YOUR KIDS TO MCDONALDS) I know they will be hungry again before bed time. Today I have spent the time watching t.v. with them when normally I would be in the kitchen cooking. We usually eat by 5:00 p.m., then I clean up the kitchen (OR) I spend time playing with the kids & relaxing on the couch with the hubs until 7 p.m. at which time I put the children in the tub. They are usually out with in 30 minutes so then I get them dressed, let them have a snack, brush their teeth and put them to bed at 8 p.m.

By this time I am usually exhausted, but I have to keep going. Toys are usually strewed all over the house, dirty cups/dishes in general are in every room, and the floors need swept again. (Of all the things I clean in one day, my floors are swept at least 2 or 3 times a day. *OCD* I walk around in socks & can't stand to feel dirt on the bottom of my feet!) By the time I have picked the house up to where it doesn't look like a tornado has came through my house then its usually after 10 p.m. and I give up. I usually sit down at my laptop and do my blogging or catch up on shows I have saved on my DVR until my eyes refuse to stay open, at which time I go to bed (I've been known to crash on the couch when the hubs is on night shift).

The way I see it.... I DONT SEE IT.... Please, one of you Martha Stewart wanna be moms out there please tell me how you do it, give me some tips, & PLEASE include how to make time for the hubs :)