The Sacrifice of a Working Mom

Moms always make sacrifices, some more than others. Not everyone is blessed with wealth. Not everyone is blessed with the ability to have two working parents. There are certain situations and circumstances that make it where moms have to get full-time jobs just like dads. Sometimes, it's because dad doesnt make enough money. Sometimes, it's because mom and dad have too many bills. Sometimes, though it's rare, it's because mom wants to work to stay sane! Regardless of the reasons, moms go to work each day, knowing that it is one more day of time missed with their children.

As someone that grew up poor, I work to provide my kids with a good life, one like I never had. I want to be able to put them in sports, buy them nice things, and actually have money for vacations & weekend outings. I am one of those moms that honestly, doesnt have to work. My hubs makes enough that we could survive off his paycheck alone, and we actually have for the most part of our 8 year marriage. However, I do not want to merely survive, I want to thrive. As a working mom, I do not get as much quality time with my kids during the week as I'd like to - but I knew that was a sacrifice when I accepted the job. I do my best to make it up to them on the weekend.

So, how pissed off do you think you would be if someone were to ask your child "Does mommy spend time with you?" -Yeah, I was/am livid. How dare ANYONE talk bad about me & my mothering skills TO MY CHILD. Just because I am not here 24/7 to be at my child's beck and call, I know for a fact they are very well taken care of. My oldest (the one that was asked this very question) is only 7 years old. To tell you the honest truth - she told me that she gave the answer of "NO" to this person. When I asked her "why would you say that?" Her response to me was this...."well mom, you havnt taken me to get my nails done in forever!" (It's been two weeks since I took her with me and got her nails painted) So, see. . . . she doesn't even understand the reference being made in the question. 

Situations like this is what makes me shake my head. So....while that someone is talking about how I am a terrible mother because I CHOOSE to go to work & provide a good life for my kids - I am relaxed and happy with my life, my hubs, & my kids - my daughter obviously gets enough attention at home b/c she doesn't ASK to be anywhere else!

The way I see it . . . .

I would rather be a working mom, making the CHOICE to sacrifice time that could be spent at home with my kids instead of spending each day sitting at home with them and telling them WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE - We must stay home because we don't have the money to go anywhere, or go do anything.

Team " C "

It's been so long since I've written a blog, or even spent more than five minutes on my blog page. Now that things are easy breezy I thought I'd take the time to fill in the gaps (just a little) I had several weeks in a row right before Mother's Day that I was having problems with certain 'in-laws' and at one point I thought I was going to blow a fuse in my brain.

After the last blow up - I decided to step back and let my hubs handle his family. I told him I didn't want my girls near this specific person - she was not a good role model and was nothing but trouble so if he felt it was ok and insisted that she get to spend time with our girls I would stand down under the terms that I have nothing to do with any of it, not even planning the pick up or drop off of the kids. After the agreement for "HER" to have both of our girls at the same time - she once again, proved that she will indeed go behind our backs, and make a difference in the way she treats our daughters, even doing so in front of my youngest.

After returning the girls home I immediately took notice of how they were dressed. They had just left a movie theater so I was a tad shocked (to say the least) when I noticed the extreme difference in how my girls appeared. My oldest had a brand new dress on, new flip flops, a new necklace, her hair had been styled & a pretty bow placed in it as if she had been given a bath before leaving for the movie; while my youngest was wearing mixed-matched clothes, hair in a pony tail that looked like she slept in it, and was just dirty - as if she had been playing outside right before they went to the movie. As their mother, I know how fast my toddler can get dirty so I pushed back the thoughts of this being done purposely. I moved on to the bag of items my oldest was holding. After a few questions, I learned she had been taken into a store and bought these specifically for her. When I questioned what items were bought for my toddler, I was told they didnt buy her anything. So not only did she buy things for one child and not anything for the other, but she made the purchases in front of the child that didnt get anything. (I will NEVER completely understand this woman).

I made sure to keep the kids appearance the way it was so my hubs could see for himself and I had our daughter tell the story of their afternoon to him as well. He was not happy. Needless to say, she hasn't had the girls since. Not that she hasn't asked, because she has asked, several times, but because my husband took a stand for our kids and said NO. WE are now a TEAM - looking out for the best interest of our kids well being.

It has taken time (more than I expected) and patience (on my part) for my hubs to see the big picture and get a real understanding but now that we are on the same page when it comes to how our daughters are treated, I do not have to worry. I know he will handle the situation and I trust him to make certain that NO ONE treats ANY of my girls better than the other.

THE WAY I SEE IT. . . . . 

You can't hide forever - your true colors will eventually shine through & people  will see you for the person you really are. (You just better hope it's the type of person they want to keep in their life)

My Pageant experience

When my oldest daughter was 3yrs old, she asked to be in a pageant. It came about after I took her with me to watch my best friend put her own daughter in one. At such young ages and being new to the world of pageants, I was not aware of the crazy things some mothers put their kids through to try to win.

I put her in two different pageants, her first she didn't place but she won a participant trophy which made her day, the second she placed as 4th alternate (out of 10 girls), this trophy was a little bigger and she was just as happy. I am unsure as to what happened that made me stop doing pageants.

Feb. 17th 2008 Kensi first Pageant

I was at work when I received a phone call from my mother in law, she had found out that her other daughter-in law had registered her 11 year old in a local pageant and was curious if my daughter would like to do it too. My initial instinct was to say no, i don't want to fool with it right now, BUT then I realized how upset my daughter would become if she found out her cousin was in a pageant and I didn't let her do it too. So, I said Of Course Mackensi will want to do it too!  So it began. The craziness and confusion, and lets not forget the stress I experienced doing this pageant is enough to last me a very long time.

Why was it so difficult you wonder? Well, first of all, I got this phone call 8 days before the pageant! I had 7 days to find my daughter a dress, get her an appointment for hair/makeup and get her to learn how to do the walk.  I got lucky (if you call it that) my sister-in-law had a friend that was friends with a pageant lady that rented/sold dresses & my mother-in-law was meeting up with her later that day, so I agreed to rush over there after work with Kensi to try on dresses. This is where most of my stress came from, dealing with this dress lady! I didn't have the money to be paying for all the things that she needed to do this pageant, but luckily my mother-in-law offered to pay for her dress rental (b/c she paid for the other granddaughters dress too, & I Love her dress).                    

                                                                This is Kensi's Cousin 

To begin with, the place I went to was a storage facility, not a dress store. When I walked in, immediately the place reeked of urine. Of course I had a disgusted look on my face so when my mother-in-law saw me she asked where was Kensi, well she was eating a sucker and I felt she didn't need to be around expensive dresses given the chance to get one dirty. The dress lady smartly replies 'she has to be in here to try on the dresses' - well, I know that but do you want her to come in here with candy and get them sticky? Seriously lady....Anyhow, next is when she pulls out a royal blue dress for my pale white blonde headed daughter: UM NO... I shake my head that I don't like it (As well as my daughter standing with her back to me is shaking her head she doesn't like it either) my MIL (mother in law is getting annoying to type so MIL will suffice) said OK, what about another one....Next dress, Bright RED...UM NO, I shake my head again along with my daughter shaking her head no, a few more dresses get a head shake as well so then the dress lady looks at me and says ' I don't think I have anything in here your going to like' I reply, well, you haven't shown me everything, then she asks ' have you ever done pageants before? You have to try the dresses ON to know what they look like on your kid' Yes lady, I've done a few & my best friend does them all the time. I just know what I'm looking for and that is not it. Then my MIL steps in and takes over looking and picks out three dresses I don't like but b/c she is paying and obviously me and this owner and not seeing eye to eye, I let her have the control. The dress they decided they wanted I didn't like at all. It had NO rhinestones on it at all. BUT my daughter LOVED it & the lady promised to add some to it over the weekend. (trying to cut this a little shorter) Long story made shorter, My MIL had to take the other granddaughter home so I decided I didn't want to get this dress without talking to my best friend first, besides she has done hundreds of pageants with her daughter and she wins every time so she knows what she is doing. Of course when I speak to her I find out she is really good friends with this lady and says I should get the dress if it fits Kensi and if Kensi likes it SO I DID. After I got the dress from the lady I still wasn't happy with it. I was told that this was a 'Natural' Pageant and that she didn't need a glitz dress so I thought maybe it would be OK.

                                                            This is my girl KENSI

The day of the pageant I took Kensi to 'pageant practice' where we saw all the other contestants. One little girl in her age group stood out from the entire crowd of girls and I later on found out she was nicknamed 'Hollywood'. She was either 7 or 8, had bleached blonde hair, a jersey shore type tan, and the diva mom to go along with the package. She looked like she came straight out of the 'toddlers & tiara's' show. I was thinking either this girl would WIN or she would Loose Big Time.  Later that day when it came time for her hair/makeup I saw what I thought I would NOT see at this type pageant. As we were getting out of the car, there was a woman carrying a bag of pixie sticks into the salon. In the pageant world of 'toddlers & tiaras' this is known as "Pageant Crack" b/c it is used to hype up the children. As if that wasn't enough, while my daughter was having her hair done, I watched the mother feed her 5 year old three packs of cotton candy as well. Within 30 minutes I saw that child go from shy to bouncing off the walls.  At this point I was so ready for this night to be over with.

When we got to the pageant and saw all the other girls, it was apparent to me that my daughter would have a very slim chance to win. Every child that was participating in the pageant had on a dress that was more of a glitz dress, covered in rhinestones, while my daughter's dress was very simple.  Here are some examples:

 I stayed positive for Kensi, she was happy with her dress and excited to be there. I took lots of pictures and even took a video of her walk across the stage.

There were 28 girls in her age group. There were a few girls that looked nice and did their walk better than Kensi, but when it came time for crowning, I felt she should at least place in top 10. I was wrong. There were girls in the top ten that messed up on their walk so I figured it had to be her dress. 

Even though she didn't place, my little girl stood on that stage with a big smile and clapped for all the winners as their names were called out. While I panned my video camera to all the other girls, some were stomping their feet, some had arms crossed, and little miss 'Hollywood' was crying her little eyes out b/c she didn't make top 10.  

                                                                 This is the Crowning

I honestly felt bad for her. That is not what our girls should be taught when doing pageants. It is not a sad thing to not win. It just means it isn't your time to shine.  It was a very proud moment for me as a mom, the first thing my daughter said to me is 'When can I do another pageant?'

While this post about my pageant experience is long, I've left out some major drama that occurred at the pageant. A mom of one of the girls in the pageant stole a wallet from another pageant mom while in the dressing room. That mom, the thief, just happened to be my sister-in-law's best friend, the friend of the pageant dress owner. There is more drama with that situation that I can not discuss out of respect for the person that told me but let's just say that the things women will do to get their daughters a dress is low down, and I know ALL ABOUT IT!

The Way I see it: Drama & Stress Aside, my girl loves to do pageants, and as long as she knows she is beautiful inside & out regardless of what a few judges think & remains a good sport about not winning, then I am happy to continue doing pageants with her. BUT LESSON LEARNED: Do what I WANT not what other's want b/c in the end, if I have done everything the way I wanted it done then I have nothing to complain about.

B.T. W.   I am gearing up to put her in another pageant April 1st.

When I saw blood, I HIT PANIC MODE

Its sad when in an Emergency type situation my toddler handles it more calmly than I do.


The hubs is on his last afternoon shift for the week, and my 7yr old is gone to her nanna's for a sleepover, so it was just me and the toddler tonight. I figured that while she played and watched tv, I would get caught up on the laundry that needed put on hangers. This part of the afternoon went off without a hitch. After many stops to refill a sippy cup or change Netflix to something else to watch, I finally got all mine and hubs laundry put away. Now, I figured I would put on a movie and sit with her while snacking on an apple. After cutting up her apple into sticks (thats how she likes them) I handed her the bowl then went to get a load of towels out of the dryer. She was sitting on the couch eating them & watching tangled, so I figured I would go fold the towels and put them away. It only took about 3 minutes to fold them, then I went into the hallway to put them up and she came up to me with her hand out saying she had a boo boo. I look down to see her hand had red stuff on it. For a moment, I thought she had played in her ketchup that was on the table from where i had fixed her french fries.  However, when the red stuff started to roll down her thumb and drip onto the floor, I felt my heart skip a beat. ~*~ PANIC MODE ~*~

What happened? Where was this blood coming from? It was all over her hand, from the top of her thumb all the way under into the palm of her hand. I picked her up and took her to the kitchen where I notice a long bladed knife laying on the floor next to a bunch of cut up apple pieces. SMDH at myself for not having KNIVES put up out of her reach. Scissors Yes, knives, NO!

I needed to see where all this blood was coming from so I took her to the sink and began to run cold water on her hand. This is when I saw the cut on her thumb. Every time I would pull it out of the water it would start pouring out again, within a second it was dripping into the sink. I grabbed a paper towel to put around her finger till I could get us back down the hall to get a wash cloth. It was bleeding so heavily that by the time I went 8 steps out of the kitchen and down the hall to the linen closet it had bled through the paper towel. THIS FREAKED ME OUT!

I knew there was no way she could ride in her car seat while I drove us to the nearest ER with her hand pouring blood that fast. I am known to go into panic mode pre-maturely so instead of calling 911 I chose to call my mother-in-law. She just happens to be a RN at Children's Hospital so I trust her judgement. She explained how traumatic it would be for a 3yr old to have to go through getting stitches and so she suggested to try to wrap it up with a band-aid and some gauze and medical tape to try to get it to clot on its own. As my luck would have it, and being in PANIC MODE, I couldn't find any thing other than a wash cloth and shipping tape. You bet your ass that's what I used! Madison was a trooper though. She never cried, never freaked out, as a matter of fact she pointed to the blood and said "what's that mommy?", as she took a finger from her other hand and touched the blood, then licked it off! Gross I know, but I was more worried about trying to get this bandaged up & She was more curious about the bright red liquid dripping than she was in me fixing her boo boo.

After getting it all taped up I finally got the call from the hubs and informed him of what was going on. He told me to keep in contact with him and that he would be home soon. I also kept contact with my mother in law. Madison kept saying her boo boo hurt so I gave her a small dosage of children's Tylenol and took her to sit on the couch to finish watching tangled to get both our minds off of the traumatic even that just took place. It worked for her, within 10 minutes she was fast asleep in my arms. For me, I kept looking at her finger just waiting for the blood to start seeping out of the bottom. To my surprise, I noticed the bottom of her thumb being a slightly pale blue color. Geez...damnit, trying to protect her I almost cut off the circulation to her thumb. So, with her sleeping I managed to get that bandage off, and get a fresh one on. It was still bleeding, just not as fast pouring out of the wound. It looked to be about a 1/4 inch long and a few centimeters deep. This time, I was at least able to find our medical tape. So the bandage does look somewhat more professional and less like some back woods redneck bandage. "There's nothing a little duct tape cant fix!" Or so I've heard! It's been 2 hours since this ordeal took place. I feel more at peace and she is still sleeping beside me. This is one more lesson learned to go in my book of  What NOT to do!

The way I see it. . . . Never underestimate the ability of a toddler to hurt themselves. I am ashamed that I kept the "dull " knives in a location within her reach.

Please, if you are reading this and you have knives in drawers too....PLEASE, Go Put Them Out OF your children's REACH!         I GOT LUCKY! This could have been MUCH worse!

Happy Meal's are THE DEVIL

I like to consider myself a good mom. I don't have much 'motherly knowledge' because well lets face it, I never had a mom. Ok, I had a step-mom from the time I was about 2 years old till I was 11, that's when I finally met my real birth mother & realized what a POS excuse for a mother she was (I know for most of you that dont know me personally this sounds horrible, trust me I could say much worse but I will leave that for another blog to come). It only took me 4 years to realize this but once I did I immediately moved back home to live with my dad.

I don't recall any memories of my step-mother being 'motherly' to me. All my memories are negative ones. You'd think that would make me the worst parent ever, I am not saying I am perfect but I could be much worse considering what foundation I was given to work with. I joined some "being a mommy" pages on Facebook just to get some advice, tips and to hear stories from other moms. Today, I came across a post that literally pissed me off. The page owner had asked her page viewers to click 'LIKE' if your child loves Happy Meals. then asked them  " How often does your family eat fast food?

Before I wrote what I had to say I wanted to scroll through the comments of other moms and as I read through them I was shocked and appalled at some of the responses some 'super moms' were giving. Let me just show you a few of my favorites: & yes that is being sarcastic!

1.Hell!! No!!! My child is 2 1/2 yrs old and has never put that poison in her body!!! I want my daughter to be healthy not obese and diseased ridden!!!


2. That is the most unhealthiest food u could give ur child.. Go home and COOK for ur child!!!!!


3. I wouldn't dream of putting that in my body, so there's no way I'd give that to my precious baby.


4. I would never feed my kids those chemicals. Fast food is also a PBJ sandwich with an apple and yogurt in a cooler bag eaten in the car. Just a little planning could keep the kids healthier.

Ok, so apparently to some moms out there I am a horrible mom because I like to give in to my girls by giving them a Happy Meal. I am lazy because there are times when I am on the go or for whatever reason don't feel like cooking so I swing in the local McDonald's as I pass by it on my way home. My children are destined to be OBESE because they eat fast food (WTF?) Oh and lets not forget I am poisoning my children by 'making' them eat a Happy Meal.  Who told these moms they were PERFECT? Or that they were raising their little demon seeds in a healthy world? Last I checked going outside is harmful to your body in some way.  

 It's the stereotypical parents that feed their children fast food meals daily and put the same children in front of a television or video game for the entire day instead of making sure they get some sort of good nutrition & exercise daily that make it difficult for all of us other moms. I monitor how much my children eat, how often they eat, and make sure they get plenty of exercise. My girls are very active, and they do get plenty of healthy foods daily so I am confident that I am not setting my girls up for obesity strictly based on the fact that I feed them fast food regularly.

 McDonald's isn't listed as one of the top fast food chains for nothing. I have no problem admitting that I feed my kids a happy meal once a week and if its a busy week they may get it twice. Hell, I think they may have had it twice in the same day on several occasions & Guess what... my 7 year old is tall & skinny, at home loves vegetables and fruit while my 3yr old is tall and lean, she is more of a meat eater herself. My kids play outside from daylight till dark getting plenty of exercise. Considering there are 3 Mcdonald's within 5 miles of my home, I have to drive by them every day and you bet your ass that if my kids are hungry and begging (sometimes screaming) for it....yes, I am going to buy them a happy meal and not feel guilty about doing so.

I am not going to deny my children the pleasure of experiencing the joys of life just because some scientist in a lab somewhere has pointed out some flaws in the product that could "potentially" (& that is the key word here) be harmful to their health. 

The way I see it..... if you go by everything all the studies that have been reported to show what is harmful to your health we all need to place ourselves in a bubble and never have any contact with anyone.  Geez....the ignorance of some people.

I wish I were a FLY on Martha Stewart's wall.

I never really pay too much attention to other moms who seem to have 30 hour days, that have a natural knowledge for being creative, and obviously have amazing time management skills. I actually know of some friends of mine that seem to have it all together. Their home is always clean, they seem to have a great relationship with their spouse, and they always come up with the time (& Patience!) to do the most creative projects with their kids & even some projects around the house. I have no idea how they do it.  I really wish I could be a fly on their wall.

Today alone I worked non stop & yet feel like nothing was really accomplished. Both kids woke up at 4 a.m., the oldest fell back asleep but my 3yr old insisted on demanding; Cartoons, A juice Cup, a princess movie, claiming she was hungry was at the 6 a.m. marker, so I finally crawled out of bed (after going to sleep at 1 a.m. myself) went to the kitchen & put on a much needed pot of coffee. I got both kids fed, my 7yr old ready for school, drove her there, came home and began housework.

 I washed, dried & folded two loads of laundry. I washed a sink full of dishes from the night before that didn't get done. I swept the floors then  moved all my living room furniture to sweep under them. I re arranged the furniture (since I finally got around to taking down the Christmas tree) and by this time, I was starving so I sat for about 20mins, or long enough to eat a ham sandwich. Then I went through some paperwork that was stashed under the end tables before I realized the time, the hubs walked through the door which meant it was time to go pick up my daughter from school.

It is 3:45 p.m. by the time I returned home because today the girls wanted McDonald's for supper (KEEP YOUR EYES OUT FOR ANOTHER BLOG IN THE WORKS ABOUT TAKING YOUR KIDS TO MCDONALDS) I know they will be hungry again before bed time. Today I have spent the time watching t.v. with them when normally I would be in the kitchen cooking. We usually eat by 5:00 p.m., then I clean up the kitchen (OR) I spend time playing with the kids & relaxing on the couch with the hubs until 7 p.m. at which time I put the children in the tub. They are usually out with in 30 minutes so then I get them dressed, let them have a snack, brush their teeth and put them to bed at 8 p.m.

By this time I am usually exhausted, but I have to keep going. Toys are usually strewed all over the house, dirty cups/dishes in general are in every room, and the floors need swept again. (Of all the things I clean in one day, my floors are swept at least 2 or 3 times a day. *OCD* I walk around in socks & can't stand to feel dirt on the bottom of my feet!) By the time I have picked the house up to where it doesn't look like a tornado has came through my house then its usually after 10 p.m. and I give up. I usually sit down at my laptop and do my blogging or catch up on shows I have saved on my DVR until my eyes refuse to stay open, at which time I go to bed (I've been known to crash on the couch when the hubs is on night shift).

The way I see it.... I DONT SEE IT.... Please, one of you Martha Stewart wanna be moms out there please tell me how you do it, give me some tips, & PLEASE include how to make time for the hubs :)

The wrong way to send a christmas card.

I went to check my mail, and in the pile was a red card /envelope. I turned it over and opened it up before even looking at the names on the front. Inside was a child's Christmas card, addressed solely to Kensi, from her nanna. She placed $5.00 on the inside with a note saying: Go buy you and Mati a candy bar on one side & I miss you & I love you, Love nanna, on the other side.

I was so angry that i began ripping the card up and by the time I got in the house it was in 8 pieces. I felt bad for doing that but oh well, its not like i was going to glue or tape it back together. Then I contemplated on how to handle the situation. I posted on my fb about it and received several good ideas from my dear friends. (Thanks to my sister in law Chelle & my best friend Peek-A-Boo) I liked your advice the most.

Nanna,
Your Christmas card addressed to Kensi came today. This is exactly the behavior i am talking about that will no longer be tolerated. Kensi is not the only child living here and you will not treat her as such. It is wrong, and constitutes your "showing a difference" in our girls. You could have addressed it to both girls or if you wanted kensi to have a "special" card from her nanna then you could have sent both girls individual cards. You knew it would upset me when you sent it, and so you should already know that kensi will not be receiving your Christmas card.  I am serious when I say "you will no longer be allowed to show a difference between our kids". You will either show love, attention, & affection to both Kensi & Madi or neither child will be allowed to have anything to do with you. Jamie & I will continue to enforce this until the day comes when Madi can speak for herself. I know you have a special bond with kensi and I know she loves you very much, therefor I have no desire to keep you from seeing her. You are welcome to come to the house anytime both girls are here with Jamie and I present. You were given several opportunities to stay true to your promises of spending time with Madi, but you failed to follow through. You fight for kensi when she cries for you and yet when Madi cries for the same reason you turn your head and walk away.

This is the letter I've written that I was considering mailing to Nanna, along with the $5.00 bill she placed inside the Christmas card. However, after careful consideration and listening to advice from my personal *FREE* Therapist aka my BFF LisaK, I've decided that I don't want to give her the satisfaction in knowing how upset it made me. I do however, want to send her money back to her. If my child wants a candy bar I can afford to buy one. I do not need, nor do I want her money. I just have not figured out how I will give it back to her.  * * The bad girl inside me wants to send the money in an envelope along with the pieces of the card...that would be too easy. * *

For once, out of the blue, the hubs called from work with an idea on what to do. He says we should write nan a letter saying... " Nanna, we got the card in the mail and noticed you forgot to put Madison's name on it..so we did it for you & since you didn't have change, we gave each girl $2.50, an equal share of the money."  It's sort of funny, but I doubt it will serve the purpose of getting under her skin.

Maybe, just maybe I can get through this weekend without any drama coming up. Until next time - - Hope you all have a good weekend, & Merry Christmas.

My GUT don't Lie.

Don't you just hate it when you get a "gut feeling" about something and it turns out you were right? I know a lot of times I will brag & say "oh, I told you so, I just knew it!" Well, there are many times I get such feelings and hope & pray that I am wrong.
Just last week, I had one of these that turned out I was right and i was so disappointed.

Well, it had been a week since my fall out with nan. I had not seen or heard of anything so I just assumed she was going to leave us alone. Yeah, I couldn't get that lucky. My mother in law called saying she wanted to come get the girls to take all the grand-kids out to eat and that nan was coming with her. I knew this was just nan's way of going around my rule to see kensi so I told her that the hubs and I would be going as well. If you guessed nan backed out of going, you are right.  Oh, but she didn't stop there. I honestly felt in my heart that my mother in law was in a way "helping" nan by using herself as a way to get kensi to be able to see nan. Which, like I said: I never said nan couldn't see kensi, I just said if she wanted to see her then she was to come to our house.

Two days later, my mother in law says she wants to come by and visit the girls while she waits to go meet up with her daughter. She wasn't here 15minutes before she mentioned taking kensi with her to Target to pick out a toy for one of kensi's boy cousins. Immediately I felt my stomach drop. The reason: Kensi does not take her adhd meds on the weekend to help counter act her loosing weight from lack of appetite therefor she was being WILD, Kensi is not good about going into a store and not asking for something, she will ask for everything, and get upset if she doesn't get anything at all. I felt like there was more to this but at the same time I love my mother in law, i respect her and would NEVER think her to purposely go behind mine and the hubs rules about her sister nan.

After 4hours past, I was very concerned, I told the hubs I knew something was up. They were not at target for that many hours. I just knew she had snuck her off to go see nan. At 5pm I called to tell her she needed to be heading home only to find out they were. I asked " Ya'll haven't been at target this whole time, have you?" and what do ya know... "No, we haven't. Nan called crying to see kensi so I took kensi to see her.".
My eyes filled with tears, I could barely talk. I said, "you know our rules, why did you do that?" She claimed she didnt think she did anything wrong, I said fine, you can discuss it with your son and I when you get here.  Of course, the hubs had tons to say about it before she got here, and then had little to say. He said "she pulled the stupid card...the I DID'NT KNOW", and since we never said specifically to her that she is not to sneak kensi off to see nan, how could i argue with her!????

I feel in my gut that she knew exactly what she was doing was wrong. Otherwise, i feel like she would have called the hubs or me to say.."Hey, nan is crying to see kensi, do you mind if I take her to see her?" which of course we then would have said "NO YOU MAY NOT! TELL NAN IF SHE WANTS TO SEE KENSI TO COME TO THE HOUSE LIKE WE TOLD HER TO DO!"

She doesn't want in the middle of the situation: So she says: & yet she took kensi to see her, having complete knowledge of the fight that took place only a week prior. It really sucks to have people so boldly disrespect you, to your face & not have anyone to stand up by your side to defend you.

At least now she knows that we consider that wrong and says it wont happen again. Now, I cant wait to see what situation they come up with next for sneaking kensi to see nan.

The night I almost punched someone in the face.

December 1st marked 8 years that I have been with my husband. Unfortunately he had to work that night so we planned to go out for dinner the following night 12/2/11. This year I wanted our night to be full of love and so I had a fun night planned for us. A nice dinner at Outback steakhouse, Christmas shopping for the girls and then, if we had the time, a round of karaoke with some friends. There was One problem in our way, we didn't have a babysitter.

At the last minute I resorted to calling Nan. She had not seen Kensi since Thanksgiving day (which was only a week) so I figured she would be willing to watch them for a few hours. She agreed and so we had our date. We didn't make it to karaoke b/c nan was ready for us to come get the kids. My hubs called as we left the toy store to let her know to get their things together b/c we were on our way. & THIS IS WHERE THE NIGHT GOT RUINED.

We show up to get the kids and the hubs went in while I sat in the car. When I realized it was taking awhile I went inside. Madi was in her pj's ready to go home, while kensi was walking around in her panties. I took one look and already knew what was going on. Nan thought that because she offered to watch both girls that I would be ok with Kensi staying the night while madi had to come home. Hubs and I both discussed this very scenario on the way there so we told kensi to get dressed to come home and she began to cry. Hubs then took Madi out to the car, & stayed there. After the hubs left me alone in the house with Nan is when she decided to show her true Evil side.

Kensi was walking around sobbing while Nan got her some clothes together. Nan began to console kensi while saying "I guess you can help bj another time" and so I asked what was she talking about. She said that her son bj asked kensi to come over to his new house early in the next morning to help decorate or something (i dont remember really). Did she really just do that? YES, she really did just try to make kensi feel bad for not being able to stay. I explained to her that she should have discussed it with me or the hubs, that if her son wanted kensi to do something with him he should have called to ask us if it was ok. Nan looked up at me, and YELLED " I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! "What's the big damn deal?, Why can't she stay?", so I informed her of the plans we already had made for me to go pick up kensi's best friend early in the morning for her to spend the weekend with kensi. I also told Nan that it was wrong of her to think that Kensi could stay just because she kept madi for a few hours & that there was NO discussion whatsoever about a sleepover.  She claimed that my hubs told her kensi could stay (which was a lie) so I said "ok, really? I doubt that considering we discussed this on the way here so let me go get him!".

As I walked to the door she was yelling at me "Never mind, its ok, keep playing games, you only want me to keep them when its convenient for you!" **Yeah, I had just LET kensi go to her house the week before to stay for not one but two days (the day before & day of thanksgiving) just simply b/c she was out of school and wanted to see her nanna** So all that she said was a load of crap & she knew it. I yelled at the hubs to come and take control of his aunt, yeah the way I yelled at him wasn't nice and therefor He stayed in the car while she continued to get in my face.

At this point, kensi was sobbing, saying for us to stop yelling and then her son rocky came down from sleeping and told us we should shut up and stop fighting in front of kensi. (The nerve he had! Kensi has came home MANY MANY times upset with rocky and nan for fighting in front of her) She began to bash my hubs mom for not being a better grandparent, as if that is why she spends so much time with kensi. She bashed me for leaving my family (which had nothing to do with why we were arguing). Nancy gave me countless excuses as to why she does not get Madi, they range from "the bond" she has with kensi is the only reason she does so much more for kensi to, its a form of "punishment" (I guess I don't deserve to have time away from both kids) She kept yelling "I CANT TAKE THIS", so I told her she didn't have to. She said it was too hard watching kensi cry for her, so I pointed to the car and said "What about that little baby over there, you have no problem walking away from her when she is crying out your name!". She kept referencing Kensi and got all up in my face, I guess she was hoping I would punch her in her face (don't get me wrong, I really wanted to BUT I'm better than that) So I stepped into her, pointed at her face (actually almost touched her nose) while yelling " I DON'T JUST HAVE 1 KID, I HAVE 2! i DON'T GET TO CHOOSE A FAVORITE AND YOUR NOT GOING TO EITHER! YOU WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWED TO SHOW A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY GIRLS. YOU CAN EITHER GIVE BOTH OF MY KIDS YOUR LOVE & ATTENTION OR NEITHER WILL HAVE IT!". She actually had the audacity to say FINE, just leave, I wont have anything to do with either of them. So, I said fine...Kensi go get your things from the house that you want b/c you wont be coming back. Of course, she refused to let kensi in the house so I sent her to the car.  It was at this time that the hubs got out of the car, but he was NO HELP. Actually, he pointed at her and said "That's enough, YOU HUSH!" but then he turned to me and said "YOU SHUT UP AND GET IN THE CAR!"  Geez, that hurt a little. I agreed and began walking to the car, but not before getting out My last words to Nan.

"Nan, all you had to do is the right thing. Love both my kids. You did this to yourself. I will NEVER keep kensi from seeing you, but she is no longer allowed at your house, neither of my kids are. . . ."IF YOU WANT TO SEE KENSI, YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!"

I kept repeating these words as I went to my jeep & drove away.

The straw that broke "the hubs" back

Of all the times Madi has cried to go to nanna's house, I was usually the only person to witness it. There came a day when Nancy asked to come get kensi for a sleepover and the hubs said she could go but that she would have to come to the house to pick her up. While she was at our home she spent a few minutes with madison, which made me happy. However, this gave Madi a false sense of what was taking place. Kensi began packing her suite case (as she always does) and so madi began to figure out what was happening. I could tell just by the way Madi was acting that she thought she was getting to go as well. I really was hoping to hear Nancy say that she could go, even for a few hours, but like always, she ignored Madi.

Madi followed kensi outside, while kensi was putting her stuff in nancy's car madison got distracted by some toys. I yelled for kensi & Nancy to tell Madi goodbye. Of course when Kensi told her sister goodbye Madi ran over to the car. Once she realized what was happening she got out of Nancy's car and literally ran over to my jeep. She opened the door and began pulling, desperately tugging away at the straps of her car seat, all the while screaming & CRYING " I go to Nanna's house, I go too!".

As I stand on my porch watching my 3yr old do this my heart literally is breaking. She now is smart enough to know what is happening and she is hurting. She wants special time with nanna too. I look over to the hubs and he looks over at Nancy and she is putting on her seat belt and shuts her door. She doesn't pay any attention to what Madi is doing. You think she didn't know what was going on, Yes she did. I yelled it over to the hubs who happened to be standing right beside nanna's car.

Nancy watched that baby desperately try to pull her car seat out of my jeep so that she could go with her and did nothing. She turned her car on and drove away. She continues to deny my baby her love, attention and affection.  I understand some people might look from her point of view and not understand why this bothers me so much. I can tell you one reason but I have many.  Anytime Kensi cries to see Nan and I don't let her we get into a fight. Anytime kensi cries for Nan, Nancy will beg and plead with me saying "I cant stand to see her cry for me, just let her come!". 

Nancy would NEVER turn her cheek and drive off like that if it were kensi. The hubs and I immediately discussed how awfully wrong she was and began to discuss how were we going to end Madison's hurting.

Three strikes

Having to sit back and keep quiet while watching my 2 year old cry to go with her sister to her nanna's house, is heart breaking. Hurting my feelings is one thing, but when it comes to hurting my children that is a line you just don't cross without consequences. I've given several chances to wait for Nancy to stay true to her word when she claimed she would spend more time with Madi, but she always failed to follow through.

My hubs has never gotten involved with the drama between me and Nancy. He just likes to ignore issues and hope they go away. I tried to tell him she would only get worse throughout the years and with situations like this, i do not gloat when i am right. There were many heated arguments on the phone between the two of us, and I can remember trying to get the hubs to pick up the other phone to listen in so he could see how crazy she was, but it only back fired with him saying I started the whole mess. It wasn't until recently that it became apparent that the problem was Nancy and not me.

I had my first argument with Nancy before the summer break. At this time, kensi was still attending concord and therefore Nancy wanted to get her several days after school and wanted her to spend the night. Considering I had just came back home after our 4 month separation, I was still trying to win over the family so I didn't push the issue, I just simply would ask when did she think she could spend some time with Madi. She would promise to get her some but of course never did. At the end of the school year she claimed that she would get both girls some during the summer to give me a break. She kept kensi a lot of course, but Madison only went on occasions, when the hubs or i specifically asked her to babysit so we could go do something. Like always, Madi was never allowed to spend the night. The summer ended and I was annoyed by her lack of time spent with Madi versus the enormous time spent with kensi.

Our second major argument came when my hubs and I decided to move kensi from concord school to our own school zone of mcadory. There was an issue of whether we would make it as a couple, or mainly was I going to go manic again and just up and leave. Keeping these in mind his mother and nancy argued us till they were blue in the face that kensi needed to stay in concord. I argued with the hubs several points as to why it was beneficial for her to transfer. Nancy and hubs mother made it a battle of me versus them when it was all supposed to be for the best interest of kensi's future. The battle ended with kensi's being transferred. This upset nancy more than anyone. She was so upset because she knew she wouldn't have as much access to kensi any more. I admit, I made things worse when I told hubs I wanted ground rules: #1 being NO SLEEPOVERS ON SCHOOL NIGHTS with nancy OR his mom. I wanted our family to be as normal as possible and it would have been too hectic letting this continue to happen. (The main reason I hated this to happen is b/c anytime nancy would keep kensi after school, her School Clothes never came home, her art work didn't come home, important notes were taken out of her binder and put up on nancy's fridge, and I missed out on knowing what was going on at school b/c of all of this) So, I felt I had good reasons, and more importantly the hubs agreed with me. Like always, I slipped up a few times and gave in to their begging and kensi's crying. I set rules and then I feel bad so I give in. --Wish I could take that back!--

The third argument was just back in September. I honestly do not remember exactly what happened but I can tell you that she ticked me and the hubs off really badly. September 1st is Kensi's birthday. September 25th is Madi's birthday. We had their birthday party together in the middle of the month to save on money, but we also did something separately to make kensi still feel special. Two days before her birthday, on Tuesday night Nancy asked to take kensi to her dance class to spend time with her, of course we said sure. When she returned, kensi had a large bag of toys from target and was crying to spend the night, only b/c it was her birthday, we said ok. Two days later we took her out to dinner at olive garden where she received more gifts from nancy. Then at her actual party, she received even more gifts. I added the amount of money spent on kensi to be around $400. At the party Nancy had two gifts for madi, totalled maybe $40-$60 & this upset me very badly.

 It was at this time that the hubby started to notice how much of a difference she was making and we discussed it was time to put an end to it. Actually, it was more of like, I DEMANDED she no longer be allowed to treat madi this way.

& So the battle began.

The Noticeable Difference....

As a young teenager I already knew what I wanted out of life. I wanted to be married by age 21, have my first child before age 25 and a second child before age 30. I had hopes of college to be a nurse but some parts of my life didnt go as I hoped. My two children I hoped to be one boy and one girl. My girl I wanted to have blue eyes (like me) and curly blonde hair.This wouldnt be such a bad request except the fact that no one in my family has anything other than dark black hair. I was able to dream though. I never put much thought into the boy, mainly b/c I assumed my husband would be in charge of boy stuff. So, the day I gave birth to my oldest daughter, Mackensi, it wasn't a surprise that she was born with DarK Black Curly hair.

As a 21 year old new mom my concerns were that she be happy & healthy, so i put aside my longing for her to have blonde hair. As the months went by, her hair didnt grow very much, but it did get lighter in color. Around the time she was 4months old it was now a medium brown. One day, while visiting my in-laws, my father-in-law mentioned that her hair looked RED. Indeed, she was about 6 months old & it was turning from brown to blonde so in the sunlight it had the sparkle of red. At this point I thought wow, im going to have a strawberry blonde child or just plain red headed kid. More time passed and as we reached her first birthday she had her final hair color change. The newborn with curly black hair was now a todler with curly blonde hair, & her eyes were blue! I couldn't have been a more proud momma. I had my first wishes come true so I just knew I was on my way to having everything I ever dreamed of.

A few years went by before we decided to try for our 2nd child, which I was hoping for a boy, unfortuneatly, I guess GOD knew I wouldnt be able to handle a boy b/c he gave me another little girl. I immdiately hoped for them to look alike, & to be alike. My first daughter was a good baby & became a very smart independant little girl. She goes to bed late & gets up early. If she falls down she cries like she has been hurt badly. She is sweet, shy,easy going, she is what I call a "scardy cat", she doesnt like to try new things, she is very cautious, she is more likely to run away crying when she is upset. She is emotional like me & very girlie. She is all about being a princess. I could already imagine them sharing clothes, makeup and all the other good sisterly things (i didnt grow up with mine so i really had no idea but I guess the best i could).

To begin with, this pregnancy was complicated from the time I found out I was pregnant. My first pregnancy went smoothly, other than having gestational diabeties & her being born 9lbs on her due date. This time around, I was put on bed rest at only 14 weeks. Madison was born 2 weeks early weighing 8lbs2oz. She was dark complected & had jet BLacK straight hair. My own boss told me that if he didnt know any better he would have thought her father was latino, lol.

As the years have gone by, Madison has proven to be the complete opposite of her sister. She is much more agressive, adventourous, deliberate in her actions, blunt with how she feels & what she wants. She isnt afraid of anything or anyone. She is much more physical with people & she is prone to getting very angry & isnt afraid of hitting you or throwing something at you. she loves her sleep: she tends to sleep 12hrs as long as no one bothers her, She is always falling down but always jumps back up saying "im ok".

I say all the time that God gave me a girl that is as close to being a boy as could be.