I went to check my mail, and in the pile was a red card /envelope. I turned it over and opened it up before even looking at the names on the front. Inside was a child's Christmas card, addressed solely to Kensi, from her nanna. She placed $5.00 on the inside with a note saying: Go buy you and Mati a candy bar on one side & I miss you & I love you, Love nanna, on the other side.
I was so angry that i began ripping the card up and by the time I got in the house it was in 8 pieces. I felt bad for doing that but oh well, its not like i was going to glue or tape it back together. Then I contemplated on how to handle the situation. I posted on my fb about it and received several good ideas from my dear friends. (Thanks to my sister in law Chelle & my best friend Peek-A-Boo) I liked your advice the most.
Nanna,
Your Christmas card addressed to Kensi came today. This is exactly the behavior i am talking about that will no longer be tolerated. Kensi is not the only child living here and you will not treat her as such. It is wrong, and constitutes your "showing a difference" in our girls. You could have addressed it to both girls or if you wanted kensi to have a "special" card from her nanna then you could have sent both girls individual cards. You knew it would upset me when you sent it, and so you should already know that kensi will not be receiving your Christmas card. I am serious when I say "you will no longer be allowed to show a difference between our kids". You will either show love, attention, & affection to both Kensi & Madi or neither child will be allowed to have anything to do with you. Jamie & I will continue to enforce this until the day comes when Madi can speak for herself. I know you have a special bond with kensi and I know she loves you very much, therefor I have no desire to keep you from seeing her. You are welcome to come to the house anytime both girls are here with Jamie and I present. You were given several opportunities to stay true to your promises of spending time with Madi, but you failed to follow through. You fight for kensi when she cries for you and yet when Madi cries for the same reason you turn your head and walk away.
This is the letter I've written that I was considering mailing to Nanna, along with the $5.00 bill she placed inside the Christmas card. However, after careful consideration and listening to advice from my personal *FREE* Therapist aka my BFF LisaK, I've decided that I don't want to give her the satisfaction in knowing how upset it made me. I do however, want to send her money back to her. If my child wants a candy bar I can afford to buy one. I do not need, nor do I want her money. I just have not figured out how I will give it back to her. * * The bad girl inside me wants to send the money in an envelope along with the pieces of the card...that would be too easy. * *
For once, out of the blue, the hubs called from work with an idea on what to do. He says we should write nan a letter saying... " Nanna, we got the card in the mail and noticed you forgot to put Madison's name on it..so we did it for you & since you didn't have change, we gave each girl $2.50, an equal share of the money." It's sort of funny, but I doubt it will serve the purpose of getting under her skin.
Maybe, just maybe I can get through this weekend without any drama coming up. Until next time - - Hope you all have a good weekend, & Merry Christmas.
Showing posts with label Nanna. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nanna. Show all posts
Saturday, December 17, 2011
My GUT don't Lie.
Don't you just hate it when you get a "gut feeling" about something and it turns out you were right? I know a lot of times I will brag & say "oh, I told you so, I just knew it!" Well, there are many times I get such feelings and hope & pray that I am wrong.
Just last week, I had one of these that turned out I was right and i was so disappointed.
Well, it had been a week since my fall out with nan. I had not seen or heard of anything so I just assumed she was going to leave us alone. Yeah, I couldn't get that lucky. My mother in law called saying she wanted to come get the girls to take all the grand-kids out to eat and that nan was coming with her. I knew this was just nan's way of going around my rule to see kensi so I told her that the hubs and I would be going as well. If you guessed nan backed out of going, you are right. Oh, but she didn't stop there. I honestly felt in my heart that my mother in law was in a way "helping" nan by using herself as a way to get kensi to be able to see nan. Which, like I said: I never said nan couldn't see kensi, I just said if she wanted to see her then she was to come to our house.
Two days later, my mother in law says she wants to come by and visit the girls while she waits to go meet up with her daughter. She wasn't here 15minutes before she mentioned taking kensi with her to Target to pick out a toy for one of kensi's boy cousins. Immediately I felt my stomach drop. The reason: Kensi does not take her adhd meds on the weekend to help counter act her loosing weight from lack of appetite therefor she was being WILD, Kensi is not good about going into a store and not asking for something, she will ask for everything, and get upset if she doesn't get anything at all. I felt like there was more to this but at the same time I love my mother in law, i respect her and would NEVER think her to purposely go behind mine and the hubs rules about her sister nan.
After 4hours past, I was very concerned, I told the hubs I knew something was up. They were not at target for that many hours. I just knew she had snuck her off to go see nan. At 5pm I called to tell her she needed to be heading home only to find out they were. I asked " Ya'll haven't been at target this whole time, have you?" and what do ya know... "No, we haven't. Nan called crying to see kensi so I took kensi to see her.".
My eyes filled with tears, I could barely talk. I said, "you know our rules, why did you do that?" She claimed she didnt think she did anything wrong, I said fine, you can discuss it with your son and I when you get here. Of course, the hubs had tons to say about it before she got here, and then had little to say. He said "she pulled the stupid card...the I DID'NT KNOW", and since we never said specifically to her that she is not to sneak kensi off to see nan, how could i argue with her!????
I feel in my gut that she knew exactly what she was doing was wrong. Otherwise, i feel like she would have called the hubs or me to say.."Hey, nan is crying to see kensi, do you mind if I take her to see her?" which of course we then would have said "NO YOU MAY NOT! TELL NAN IF SHE WANTS TO SEE KENSI TO COME TO THE HOUSE LIKE WE TOLD HER TO DO!"
She doesn't want in the middle of the situation: So she says: & yet she took kensi to see her, having complete knowledge of the fight that took place only a week prior. It really sucks to have people so boldly disrespect you, to your face & not have anyone to stand up by your side to defend you.
At least now she knows that we consider that wrong and says it wont happen again. Now, I cant wait to see what situation they come up with next for sneaking kensi to see nan.
Just last week, I had one of these that turned out I was right and i was so disappointed.
Well, it had been a week since my fall out with nan. I had not seen or heard of anything so I just assumed she was going to leave us alone. Yeah, I couldn't get that lucky. My mother in law called saying she wanted to come get the girls to take all the grand-kids out to eat and that nan was coming with her. I knew this was just nan's way of going around my rule to see kensi so I told her that the hubs and I would be going as well. If you guessed nan backed out of going, you are right. Oh, but she didn't stop there. I honestly felt in my heart that my mother in law was in a way "helping" nan by using herself as a way to get kensi to be able to see nan. Which, like I said: I never said nan couldn't see kensi, I just said if she wanted to see her then she was to come to our house.
Two days later, my mother in law says she wants to come by and visit the girls while she waits to go meet up with her daughter. She wasn't here 15minutes before she mentioned taking kensi with her to Target to pick out a toy for one of kensi's boy cousins. Immediately I felt my stomach drop. The reason: Kensi does not take her adhd meds on the weekend to help counter act her loosing weight from lack of appetite therefor she was being WILD, Kensi is not good about going into a store and not asking for something, she will ask for everything, and get upset if she doesn't get anything at all. I felt like there was more to this but at the same time I love my mother in law, i respect her and would NEVER think her to purposely go behind mine and the hubs rules about her sister nan.
After 4hours past, I was very concerned, I told the hubs I knew something was up. They were not at target for that many hours. I just knew she had snuck her off to go see nan. At 5pm I called to tell her she needed to be heading home only to find out they were. I asked " Ya'll haven't been at target this whole time, have you?" and what do ya know... "No, we haven't. Nan called crying to see kensi so I took kensi to see her.".
My eyes filled with tears, I could barely talk. I said, "you know our rules, why did you do that?" She claimed she didnt think she did anything wrong, I said fine, you can discuss it with your son and I when you get here. Of course, the hubs had tons to say about it before she got here, and then had little to say. He said "she pulled the stupid card...the I DID'NT KNOW", and since we never said specifically to her that she is not to sneak kensi off to see nan, how could i argue with her!????
I feel in my gut that she knew exactly what she was doing was wrong. Otherwise, i feel like she would have called the hubs or me to say.."Hey, nan is crying to see kensi, do you mind if I take her to see her?" which of course we then would have said "NO YOU MAY NOT! TELL NAN IF SHE WANTS TO SEE KENSI TO COME TO THE HOUSE LIKE WE TOLD HER TO DO!"
She doesn't want in the middle of the situation: So she says: & yet she took kensi to see her, having complete knowledge of the fight that took place only a week prior. It really sucks to have people so boldly disrespect you, to your face & not have anyone to stand up by your side to defend you.
At least now she knows that we consider that wrong and says it wont happen again. Now, I cant wait to see what situation they come up with next for sneaking kensi to see nan.
The night I almost punched someone in the face.
December 1st marked 8 years that I have been with my husband. Unfortunately he had to work that night so we planned to go out for dinner the following night 12/2/11. This year I wanted our night to be full of love and so I had a fun night planned for us. A nice dinner at Outback steakhouse, Christmas shopping for the girls and then, if we had the time, a round of karaoke with some friends. There was One problem in our way, we didn't have a babysitter.
At the last minute I resorted to calling Nan. She had not seen Kensi since Thanksgiving day (which was only a week) so I figured she would be willing to watch them for a few hours. She agreed and so we had our date. We didn't make it to karaoke b/c nan was ready for us to come get the kids. My hubs called as we left the toy store to let her know to get their things together b/c we were on our way. & THIS IS WHERE THE NIGHT GOT RUINED.
We show up to get the kids and the hubs went in while I sat in the car. When I realized it was taking awhile I went inside. Madi was in her pj's ready to go home, while kensi was walking around in her panties. I took one look and already knew what was going on. Nan thought that because she offered to watch both girls that I would be ok with Kensi staying the night while madi had to come home. Hubs and I both discussed this very scenario on the way there so we told kensi to get dressed to come home and she began to cry. Hubs then took Madi out to the car, & stayed there. After the hubs left me alone in the house with Nan is when she decided to show her true Evil side.
Kensi was walking around sobbing while Nan got her some clothes together. Nan began to console kensi while saying "I guess you can help bj another time" and so I asked what was she talking about. She said that her son bj asked kensi to come over to his new house early in the next morning to help decorate or something (i dont remember really). Did she really just do that? YES, she really did just try to make kensi feel bad for not being able to stay. I explained to her that she should have discussed it with me or the hubs, that if her son wanted kensi to do something with him he should have called to ask us if it was ok. Nan looked up at me, and YELLED " I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! "What's the big damn deal?, Why can't she stay?", so I informed her of the plans we already had made for me to go pick up kensi's best friend early in the morning for her to spend the weekend with kensi. I also told Nan that it was wrong of her to think that Kensi could stay just because she kept madi for a few hours & that there was NO discussion whatsoever about a sleepover. She claimed that my hubs told her kensi could stay (which was a lie) so I said "ok, really? I doubt that considering we discussed this on the way here so let me go get him!".
As I walked to the door she was yelling at me "Never mind, its ok, keep playing games, you only want me to keep them when its convenient for you!" **Yeah, I had just LET kensi go to her house the week before to stay for not one but two days (the day before & day of thanksgiving) just simply b/c she was out of school and wanted to see her nanna** So all that she said was a load of crap & she knew it. I yelled at the hubs to come and take control of his aunt, yeah the way I yelled at him wasn't nice and therefor He stayed in the car while she continued to get in my face.
At this point, kensi was sobbing, saying for us to stop yelling and then her son rocky came down from sleeping and told us we should shut up and stop fighting in front of kensi. (The nerve he had! Kensi has came home MANY MANY times upset with rocky and nan for fighting in front of her) She began to bash my hubs mom for not being a better grandparent, as if that is why she spends so much time with kensi. She bashed me for leaving my family (which had nothing to do with why we were arguing). Nancy gave me countless excuses as to why she does not get Madi, they range from "the bond" she has with kensi is the only reason she does so much more for kensi to, its a form of "punishment" (I guess I don't deserve to have time away from both kids) She kept yelling "I CANT TAKE THIS", so I told her she didn't have to. She said it was too hard watching kensi cry for her, so I pointed to the car and said "What about that little baby over there, you have no problem walking away from her when she is crying out your name!". She kept referencing Kensi and got all up in my face, I guess she was hoping I would punch her in her face (don't get me wrong, I really wanted to BUT I'm better than that) So I stepped into her, pointed at her face (actually almost touched her nose) while yelling " I DON'T JUST HAVE 1 KID, I HAVE 2! i DON'T GET TO CHOOSE A FAVORITE AND YOUR NOT GOING TO EITHER! YOU WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWED TO SHOW A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY GIRLS. YOU CAN EITHER GIVE BOTH OF MY KIDS YOUR LOVE & ATTENTION OR NEITHER WILL HAVE IT!". She actually had the audacity to say FINE, just leave, I wont have anything to do with either of them. So, I said fine...Kensi go get your things from the house that you want b/c you wont be coming back. Of course, she refused to let kensi in the house so I sent her to the car. It was at this time that the hubs got out of the car, but he was NO HELP. Actually, he pointed at her and said "That's enough, YOU HUSH!" but then he turned to me and said "YOU SHUT UP AND GET IN THE CAR!" Geez, that hurt a little. I agreed and began walking to the car, but not before getting out My last words to Nan.
"Nan, all you had to do is the right thing. Love both my kids. You did this to yourself. I will NEVER keep kensi from seeing you, but she is no longer allowed at your house, neither of my kids are. . . ."IF YOU WANT TO SEE KENSI, YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!"
I kept repeating these words as I went to my jeep & drove away.
At the last minute I resorted to calling Nan. She had not seen Kensi since Thanksgiving day (which was only a week) so I figured she would be willing to watch them for a few hours. She agreed and so we had our date. We didn't make it to karaoke b/c nan was ready for us to come get the kids. My hubs called as we left the toy store to let her know to get their things together b/c we were on our way. & THIS IS WHERE THE NIGHT GOT RUINED.
We show up to get the kids and the hubs went in while I sat in the car. When I realized it was taking awhile I went inside. Madi was in her pj's ready to go home, while kensi was walking around in her panties. I took one look and already knew what was going on. Nan thought that because she offered to watch both girls that I would be ok with Kensi staying the night while madi had to come home. Hubs and I both discussed this very scenario on the way there so we told kensi to get dressed to come home and she began to cry. Hubs then took Madi out to the car, & stayed there. After the hubs left me alone in the house with Nan is when she decided to show her true Evil side.
Kensi was walking around sobbing while Nan got her some clothes together. Nan began to console kensi while saying "I guess you can help bj another time" and so I asked what was she talking about. She said that her son bj asked kensi to come over to his new house early in the next morning to help decorate or something (i dont remember really). Did she really just do that? YES, she really did just try to make kensi feel bad for not being able to stay. I explained to her that she should have discussed it with me or the hubs, that if her son wanted kensi to do something with him he should have called to ask us if it was ok. Nan looked up at me, and YELLED " I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! "What's the big damn deal?, Why can't she stay?", so I informed her of the plans we already had made for me to go pick up kensi's best friend early in the morning for her to spend the weekend with kensi. I also told Nan that it was wrong of her to think that Kensi could stay just because she kept madi for a few hours & that there was NO discussion whatsoever about a sleepover. She claimed that my hubs told her kensi could stay (which was a lie) so I said "ok, really? I doubt that considering we discussed this on the way here so let me go get him!".
As I walked to the door she was yelling at me "Never mind, its ok, keep playing games, you only want me to keep them when its convenient for you!" **Yeah, I had just LET kensi go to her house the week before to stay for not one but two days (the day before & day of thanksgiving) just simply b/c she was out of school and wanted to see her nanna** So all that she said was a load of crap & she knew it. I yelled at the hubs to come and take control of his aunt, yeah the way I yelled at him wasn't nice and therefor He stayed in the car while she continued to get in my face.
At this point, kensi was sobbing, saying for us to stop yelling and then her son rocky came down from sleeping and told us we should shut up and stop fighting in front of kensi. (The nerve he had! Kensi has came home MANY MANY times upset with rocky and nan for fighting in front of her) She began to bash my hubs mom for not being a better grandparent, as if that is why she spends so much time with kensi. She bashed me for leaving my family (which had nothing to do with why we were arguing). Nancy gave me countless excuses as to why she does not get Madi, they range from "the bond" she has with kensi is the only reason she does so much more for kensi to, its a form of "punishment" (I guess I don't deserve to have time away from both kids) She kept yelling "I CANT TAKE THIS", so I told her she didn't have to. She said it was too hard watching kensi cry for her, so I pointed to the car and said "What about that little baby over there, you have no problem walking away from her when she is crying out your name!". She kept referencing Kensi and got all up in my face, I guess she was hoping I would punch her in her face (don't get me wrong, I really wanted to BUT I'm better than that) So I stepped into her, pointed at her face (actually almost touched her nose) while yelling " I DON'T JUST HAVE 1 KID, I HAVE 2! i DON'T GET TO CHOOSE A FAVORITE AND YOUR NOT GOING TO EITHER! YOU WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWED TO SHOW A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY GIRLS. YOU CAN EITHER GIVE BOTH OF MY KIDS YOUR LOVE & ATTENTION OR NEITHER WILL HAVE IT!". She actually had the audacity to say FINE, just leave, I wont have anything to do with either of them. So, I said fine...Kensi go get your things from the house that you want b/c you wont be coming back. Of course, she refused to let kensi in the house so I sent her to the car. It was at this time that the hubs got out of the car, but he was NO HELP. Actually, he pointed at her and said "That's enough, YOU HUSH!" but then he turned to me and said "YOU SHUT UP AND GET IN THE CAR!" Geez, that hurt a little. I agreed and began walking to the car, but not before getting out My last words to Nan.
"Nan, all you had to do is the right thing. Love both my kids. You did this to yourself. I will NEVER keep kensi from seeing you, but she is no longer allowed at your house, neither of my kids are. . . ."IF YOU WANT TO SEE KENSI, YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!"
I kept repeating these words as I went to my jeep & drove away.
The straw that broke "the hubs" back
Of all the times Madi has cried to go to nanna's house, I was usually the only person to witness it. There came a day when Nancy asked to come get kensi for a sleepover and the hubs said she could go but that she would have to come to the house to pick her up. While she was at our home she spent a few minutes with madison, which made me happy. However, this gave Madi a false sense of what was taking place. Kensi began packing her suite case (as she always does) and so madi began to figure out what was happening. I could tell just by the way Madi was acting that she thought she was getting to go as well. I really was hoping to hear Nancy say that she could go, even for a few hours, but like always, she ignored Madi.
Madi followed kensi outside, while kensi was putting her stuff in nancy's car madison got distracted by some toys. I yelled for kensi & Nancy to tell Madi goodbye. Of course when Kensi told her sister goodbye Madi ran over to the car. Once she realized what was happening she got out of Nancy's car and literally ran over to my jeep. She opened the door and began pulling, desperately tugging away at the straps of her car seat, all the while screaming & CRYING " I go to Nanna's house, I go too!".
As I stand on my porch watching my 3yr old do this my heart literally is breaking. She now is smart enough to know what is happening and she is hurting. She wants special time with nanna too. I look over to the hubs and he looks over at Nancy and she is putting on her seat belt and shuts her door. She doesn't pay any attention to what Madi is doing. You think she didn't know what was going on, Yes she did. I yelled it over to the hubs who happened to be standing right beside nanna's car.
Nancy watched that baby desperately try to pull her car seat out of my jeep so that she could go with her and did nothing. She turned her car on and drove away. She continues to deny my baby her love, attention and affection. I understand some people might look from her point of view and not understand why this bothers me so much. I can tell you one reason but I have many. Anytime Kensi cries to see Nan and I don't let her we get into a fight. Anytime kensi cries for Nan, Nancy will beg and plead with me saying "I cant stand to see her cry for me, just let her come!".
Nancy would NEVER turn her cheek and drive off like that if it were kensi. The hubs and I immediately discussed how awfully wrong she was and began to discuss how were we going to end Madison's hurting.
Madi followed kensi outside, while kensi was putting her stuff in nancy's car madison got distracted by some toys. I yelled for kensi & Nancy to tell Madi goodbye. Of course when Kensi told her sister goodbye Madi ran over to the car. Once she realized what was happening she got out of Nancy's car and literally ran over to my jeep. She opened the door and began pulling, desperately tugging away at the straps of her car seat, all the while screaming & CRYING " I go to Nanna's house, I go too!".
As I stand on my porch watching my 3yr old do this my heart literally is breaking. She now is smart enough to know what is happening and she is hurting. She wants special time with nanna too. I look over to the hubs and he looks over at Nancy and she is putting on her seat belt and shuts her door. She doesn't pay any attention to what Madi is doing. You think she didn't know what was going on, Yes she did. I yelled it over to the hubs who happened to be standing right beside nanna's car.
Nancy watched that baby desperately try to pull her car seat out of my jeep so that she could go with her and did nothing. She turned her car on and drove away. She continues to deny my baby her love, attention and affection. I understand some people might look from her point of view and not understand why this bothers me so much. I can tell you one reason but I have many. Anytime Kensi cries to see Nan and I don't let her we get into a fight. Anytime kensi cries for Nan, Nancy will beg and plead with me saying "I cant stand to see her cry for me, just let her come!".
Nancy would NEVER turn her cheek and drive off like that if it were kensi. The hubs and I immediately discussed how awfully wrong she was and began to discuss how were we going to end Madison's hurting.
Three strikes
Having to sit back and keep quiet while watching my 2 year old cry to go with her sister to her nanna's house, is heart breaking. Hurting my feelings is one thing, but when it comes to hurting my children that is a line you just don't cross without consequences. I've given several chances to wait for Nancy to stay true to her word when she claimed she would spend more time with Madi, but she always failed to follow through.
My hubs has never gotten involved with the drama between me and Nancy. He just likes to ignore issues and hope they go away. I tried to tell him she would only get worse throughout the years and with situations like this, i do not gloat when i am right. There were many heated arguments on the phone between the two of us, and I can remember trying to get the hubs to pick up the other phone to listen in so he could see how crazy she was, but it only back fired with him saying I started the whole mess. It wasn't until recently that it became apparent that the problem was Nancy and not me.
I had my first argument with Nancy before the summer break. At this time, kensi was still attending concord and therefore Nancy wanted to get her several days after school and wanted her to spend the night. Considering I had just came back home after our 4 month separation, I was still trying to win over the family so I didn't push the issue, I just simply would ask when did she think she could spend some time with Madi. She would promise to get her some but of course never did. At the end of the school year she claimed that she would get both girls some during the summer to give me a break. She kept kensi a lot of course, but Madison only went on occasions, when the hubs or i specifically asked her to babysit so we could go do something. Like always, Madi was never allowed to spend the night. The summer ended and I was annoyed by her lack of time spent with Madi versus the enormous time spent with kensi.
Our second major argument came when my hubs and I decided to move kensi from concord school to our own school zone of mcadory. There was an issue of whether we would make it as a couple, or mainly was I going to go manic again and just up and leave. Keeping these in mind his mother and nancy argued us till they were blue in the face that kensi needed to stay in concord. I argued with the hubs several points as to why it was beneficial for her to transfer. Nancy and hubs mother made it a battle of me versus them when it was all supposed to be for the best interest of kensi's future. The battle ended with kensi's being transferred. This upset nancy more than anyone. She was so upset because she knew she wouldn't have as much access to kensi any more. I admit, I made things worse when I told hubs I wanted ground rules: #1 being NO SLEEPOVERS ON SCHOOL NIGHTS with nancy OR his mom. I wanted our family to be as normal as possible and it would have been too hectic letting this continue to happen. (The main reason I hated this to happen is b/c anytime nancy would keep kensi after school, her School Clothes never came home, her art work didn't come home, important notes were taken out of her binder and put up on nancy's fridge, and I missed out on knowing what was going on at school b/c of all of this) So, I felt I had good reasons, and more importantly the hubs agreed with me. Like always, I slipped up a few times and gave in to their begging and kensi's crying. I set rules and then I feel bad so I give in. --Wish I could take that back!--
The third argument was just back in September. I honestly do not remember exactly what happened but I can tell you that she ticked me and the hubs off really badly. September 1st is Kensi's birthday. September 25th is Madi's birthday. We had their birthday party together in the middle of the month to save on money, but we also did something separately to make kensi still feel special. Two days before her birthday, on Tuesday night Nancy asked to take kensi to her dance class to spend time with her, of course we said sure. When she returned, kensi had a large bag of toys from target and was crying to spend the night, only b/c it was her birthday, we said ok. Two days later we took her out to dinner at olive garden where she received more gifts from nancy. Then at her actual party, she received even more gifts. I added the amount of money spent on kensi to be around $400. At the party Nancy had two gifts for madi, totalled maybe $40-$60 & this upset me very badly.
It was at this time that the hubby started to notice how much of a difference she was making and we discussed it was time to put an end to it. Actually, it was more of like, I DEMANDED she no longer be allowed to treat madi this way.
& So the battle began.
My hubs has never gotten involved with the drama between me and Nancy. He just likes to ignore issues and hope they go away. I tried to tell him she would only get worse throughout the years and with situations like this, i do not gloat when i am right. There were many heated arguments on the phone between the two of us, and I can remember trying to get the hubs to pick up the other phone to listen in so he could see how crazy she was, but it only back fired with him saying I started the whole mess. It wasn't until recently that it became apparent that the problem was Nancy and not me.
I had my first argument with Nancy before the summer break. At this time, kensi was still attending concord and therefore Nancy wanted to get her several days after school and wanted her to spend the night. Considering I had just came back home after our 4 month separation, I was still trying to win over the family so I didn't push the issue, I just simply would ask when did she think she could spend some time with Madi. She would promise to get her some but of course never did. At the end of the school year she claimed that she would get both girls some during the summer to give me a break. She kept kensi a lot of course, but Madison only went on occasions, when the hubs or i specifically asked her to babysit so we could go do something. Like always, Madi was never allowed to spend the night. The summer ended and I was annoyed by her lack of time spent with Madi versus the enormous time spent with kensi.
Our second major argument came when my hubs and I decided to move kensi from concord school to our own school zone of mcadory. There was an issue of whether we would make it as a couple, or mainly was I going to go manic again and just up and leave. Keeping these in mind his mother and nancy argued us till they were blue in the face that kensi needed to stay in concord. I argued with the hubs several points as to why it was beneficial for her to transfer. Nancy and hubs mother made it a battle of me versus them when it was all supposed to be for the best interest of kensi's future. The battle ended with kensi's being transferred. This upset nancy more than anyone. She was so upset because she knew she wouldn't have as much access to kensi any more. I admit, I made things worse when I told hubs I wanted ground rules: #1 being NO SLEEPOVERS ON SCHOOL NIGHTS with nancy OR his mom. I wanted our family to be as normal as possible and it would have been too hectic letting this continue to happen. (The main reason I hated this to happen is b/c anytime nancy would keep kensi after school, her School Clothes never came home, her art work didn't come home, important notes were taken out of her binder and put up on nancy's fridge, and I missed out on knowing what was going on at school b/c of all of this) So, I felt I had good reasons, and more importantly the hubs agreed with me. Like always, I slipped up a few times and gave in to their begging and kensi's crying. I set rules and then I feel bad so I give in. --Wish I could take that back!--
The third argument was just back in September. I honestly do not remember exactly what happened but I can tell you that she ticked me and the hubs off really badly. September 1st is Kensi's birthday. September 25th is Madi's birthday. We had their birthday party together in the middle of the month to save on money, but we also did something separately to make kensi still feel special. Two days before her birthday, on Tuesday night Nancy asked to take kensi to her dance class to spend time with her, of course we said sure. When she returned, kensi had a large bag of toys from target and was crying to spend the night, only b/c it was her birthday, we said ok. Two days later we took her out to dinner at olive garden where she received more gifts from nancy. Then at her actual party, she received even more gifts. I added the amount of money spent on kensi to be around $400. At the party Nancy had two gifts for madi, totalled maybe $40-$60 & this upset me very badly.
It was at this time that the hubby started to notice how much of a difference she was making and we discussed it was time to put an end to it. Actually, it was more of like, I DEMANDED she no longer be allowed to treat madi this way.
& So the battle began.
Friday, December 16, 2011
The history of Kensi's Nanna
From the day we said "I DO" my husbands aunt has made my life miserable. I honestly do not recall meeting her, I just remember my wedding day disaster revolving around HER. It was a hectic day, as any wedding day is, but I had my ducks in a row, certain people were in charge of certain things, but Nancy was not one of those people. I had to leave to go pick up my flowers from the store and as I was leaving my father in law was setting up the archway and chairs according to how I wanted the isle to form. The wedding took place at the home of my in-laws, in front of a huge oak tree. I left with complete confidence that he would make sure it was finished before I returned. Well, it was, just not how I said I wanted it. I became frustrated, irritated, angry...all you ex brides can imagine. When I asked what had happened I was informed that the change was made by Jamie's aunt, Nancy, because she didn't like the way it looked!!! OMG!! Are you freaking serious! Who is getting married here....ME NOT YOU! Needless to say, there wasn't enough time to change it all back how I wanted before guests started to arrive so, she got her way and I had to sit back and keep quiet - - - 1st offense of disrespect!
Of course, being the nice kind hearted person I am, I quickly got over my frustration with her and went on about my life. After giving birth to Kensi Nancy started playing a serious roll in our family. She kept kensi for us whenever we wanted a night out (which was often back then b/c I was fresh off the 21 wagon), and then later on she began to keep her daily while I went back to work. Years went by and Nancy formed a strong loving bond with Kensi that i thought was amazing and was so thankful for. - - Now, I regret letting her have that much time with my child.
The disrespect continued during the times kensi was a small baby. I recall instances when I purchased an outfit and sent her to Nans wearing it only to pick her up to the pants being CUT with scissors because Nan felt they were "flooding" on her. Another time, she cut the feet out of kensi's pj's because she said kensi was falling too much. Finally, the biggest incident that stands out in my mind is when kensi's hair was changing from dark to blonder it went through a 'red' phase that Nan didn't like so she took it upon herself to put "sun-in" in kensi's hair. I only found out because I was talking to my husbands sister-in-law when she informed me of the act. ----2nd offense of disrespect
Years went by and we continued to let her get kensi for sleepovers, it gave me a break and some alone time with the spouse. We always had our issues but none like what we have been experiencing these past 2years. We since had another daughter, Madison (MADI for short) and Nancy shows a huge difference in the amount of Love, Attention & affection she gives them. We did very little about this in the younger days of Madi because I know how hard it is to have a 4 year old and a newborn. Nan would keep both girls but it was very rare. After Madi became a terrible toddler Nan pretty much stopped getting her altogether except when I was in desperate need for a sitter and even then she would not watch them both overnight.
My next few blogs I am going to go into detail about the fights and arguments I have had recently with her. This blog was more or less for giving a history of how nan became such an important person in our life and more importantly to show why she is so deeply bonded with kensi.
Of course, being the nice kind hearted person I am, I quickly got over my frustration with her and went on about my life. After giving birth to Kensi Nancy started playing a serious roll in our family. She kept kensi for us whenever we wanted a night out (which was often back then b/c I was fresh off the 21 wagon), and then later on she began to keep her daily while I went back to work. Years went by and Nancy formed a strong loving bond with Kensi that i thought was amazing and was so thankful for. - - Now, I regret letting her have that much time with my child.
The disrespect continued during the times kensi was a small baby. I recall instances when I purchased an outfit and sent her to Nans wearing it only to pick her up to the pants being CUT with scissors because Nan felt they were "flooding" on her. Another time, she cut the feet out of kensi's pj's because she said kensi was falling too much. Finally, the biggest incident that stands out in my mind is when kensi's hair was changing from dark to blonder it went through a 'red' phase that Nan didn't like so she took it upon herself to put "sun-in" in kensi's hair. I only found out because I was talking to my husbands sister-in-law when she informed me of the act. ----2nd offense of disrespect
Years went by and we continued to let her get kensi for sleepovers, it gave me a break and some alone time with the spouse. We always had our issues but none like what we have been experiencing these past 2years. We since had another daughter, Madison (MADI for short) and Nancy shows a huge difference in the amount of Love, Attention & affection she gives them. We did very little about this in the younger days of Madi because I know how hard it is to have a 4 year old and a newborn. Nan would keep both girls but it was very rare. After Madi became a terrible toddler Nan pretty much stopped getting her altogether except when I was in desperate need for a sitter and even then she would not watch them both overnight.
My next few blogs I am going to go into detail about the fights and arguments I have had recently with her. This blog was more or less for giving a history of how nan became such an important person in our life and more importantly to show why she is so deeply bonded with kensi.
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