I went to check my mail, and in the pile was a red card /envelope. I turned it over and opened it up before even looking at the names on the front. Inside was a child's Christmas card, addressed solely to Kensi, from her nanna. She placed $5.00 on the inside with a note saying: Go buy you and Mati a candy bar on one side & I miss you & I love you, Love nanna, on the other side.
I was so angry that i began ripping the card up and by the time I got in the house it was in 8 pieces. I felt bad for doing that but oh well, its not like i was going to glue or tape it back together. Then I contemplated on how to handle the situation. I posted on my fb about it and received several good ideas from my dear friends. (Thanks to my sister in law Chelle & my best friend Peek-A-Boo) I liked your advice the most.
Nanna,
Your Christmas card addressed to Kensi came today. This is exactly the behavior i am talking about that will no longer be tolerated. Kensi is not the only child living here and you will not treat her as such. It is wrong, and constitutes your "showing a difference" in our girls. You could have addressed it to both girls or if you wanted kensi to have a "special" card from her nanna then you could have sent both girls individual cards. You knew it would upset me when you sent it, and so you should already know that kensi will not be receiving your Christmas card. I am serious when I say "you will no longer be allowed to show a difference between our kids". You will either show love, attention, & affection to both Kensi & Madi or neither child will be allowed to have anything to do with you. Jamie & I will continue to enforce this until the day comes when Madi can speak for herself. I know you have a special bond with kensi and I know she loves you very much, therefor I have no desire to keep you from seeing her. You are welcome to come to the house anytime both girls are here with Jamie and I present. You were given several opportunities to stay true to your promises of spending time with Madi, but you failed to follow through. You fight for kensi when she cries for you and yet when Madi cries for the same reason you turn your head and walk away.
This is the letter I've written that I was considering mailing to Nanna, along with the $5.00 bill she placed inside the Christmas card. However, after careful consideration and listening to advice from my personal *FREE* Therapist aka my BFF LisaK, I've decided that I don't want to give her the satisfaction in knowing how upset it made me. I do however, want to send her money back to her. If my child wants a candy bar I can afford to buy one. I do not need, nor do I want her money. I just have not figured out how I will give it back to her. * * The bad girl inside me wants to send the money in an envelope along with the pieces of the card...that would be too easy. * *
For once, out of the blue, the hubs called from work with an idea on what to do. He says we should write nan a letter saying... " Nanna, we got the card in the mail and noticed you forgot to put Madison's name on it..so we did it for you & since you didn't have change, we gave each girl $2.50, an equal share of the money." It's sort of funny, but I doubt it will serve the purpose of getting under her skin.
Maybe, just maybe I can get through this weekend without any drama coming up. Until next time - - Hope you all have a good weekend, & Merry Christmas.
I don't know the whole situation, but I do understand a grandmother who shows favorites. I don't tolerate it. Not for a second. The kids notice and it does upset me. And I let the grandmother in question know it upsets me. For me, it's not about giving her the satisfaction, it's about me letting her know that these are my kids and if you want to see them, you'll treat them equally.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! Families can be a real pain in the ass.