Taking Charge of My Health

Since I've given you the history of my weight gain/loss/gain/loss....yeah so I'd like to let you that I joined a weight loss clinic last Friday. If your curious, or if you are just so bored you have nothing better to do than read my blog, your about to learn a little about how one of these clinics works.

My first visit was last Friday. I had to pay a whopping $140.00 for this first visit. This money covered: my first appointment with the doctor, a physical, an EKG, a B12 injection, and blood work to check my: thyroid, liver, kidneys, sugar etc. and it covered for the nurse to go over my BMI, how many calories/carbs per day I should consume, & how I should be exercising.  After three days, you are supposed to meet with the weight loss doctor to go over your results, and see about getting started using Adipex, but it was my luck that the only two doctors that were over the clinic just happened to be on vacation until today, a week later.

According to the nurse I meet all the criteria to be able to qualify for the Adipex, aka phentermine, which is an appetite suppressant, so i just had to wait. After I get my Adipex, I am to come back weekly to weigh in and I can either pay $10 just to weigh in or I can pay $35 and get another B12 injection. I already have the B12 & B6 at home so I wont be doing the injections unless it's payday week & I have the extra money. I was told not to consume more than 1500 calories per day, & to keep my carbs under 30 per meal and under 15 per snack (3 meals per day and two snacks = 135 carbs per day) and drink 64oz of water per day, on days I exercise I need more.

So today was my day,  I was in and out of my appointment within 45 minutes. When she handed me that prescription I felt like a little kid getting a birthday gift.  Unfortunately, i was expecting to be there for a while longer so I was already dressed & ready for my job interview so I had to wait till after that before I could go workout at the gym. I was counting on my interview to be less than an hour long so I could make it in time to get at least my required 30 minutes in before my toddler had to be picked up from moms day out. She just happened to be at the ymca, which is where I work out at.

To be prepared, I packed a small bag of clothes and tennis shoes to change into for my workout. Not realizing I was at least 30lbs heavier than I was the last time I wore these clothes I didn't take my looks into consideration when picking out what to wear. I simply went to the drawer that I kept my exercise attire in and pulled out the stretchy elastic underamour pants and my new shirt that has that 80's look where one shoulder shows, i think its cute.

Well, I think I got the LOOK. Yanno, the look you give really fat people. Some people give a disgusted look, while others give a pitty look. I honestly can't decipher which look I was getting, but the young guy stared at me, looking down sporadically but kept looking at me every time he'd look back up. This was when I was on my way outside to my car. (It was raining so I wanted to pull the car up front by the door before I brought my toddler out). I hate that I let what people think of me get to me so badly. I may be "ugly" on the outside but damnit I have a good heart & that is what counts. I am so glad to have the opportunity to join this weight loss clinic. I swear if I had went over the 250lbs marker I would have committed suicide! Anyhow, back to the POSITiVE of this journey.  In order to ensure success, i have made some goals for myself. To help me achieve my goals, i have registered with a free web site to help me track my calories and weight loss. www.myfitnesspal.com  It is Free and very easy to use. I encourage you to take charge of you life & your health!

My first goal in this process is to simply be able to fit into my clothes. Nothing fits me anymore. I literally stay home b/c I can't fit into anything other than my pajamas.

My second goal is to get into a routine of going to the gym at least 3-5 days a week.  (Day 1 is already done!)

My over all goal is to be 175lbs. I think any less than that is simply unrealistic.

The way I see it . . . . . It's not about just loosing weight, it's about changing your lifestyle. If you do it right the first time, you wont have to worry about it catching back up to you later on.

Where am " I " at on my list of important things

I've blogged about so many things in my life, but I can't recall if I have blogged about my weight.

I have always felt overweight, even as a little girl, though looking back at old photos I know now, I was not overweight as a kid. I have no idea where that mentality came from. Everyone around me was average size. My teen years is when my self esteem and body image started to take a toll on me. I remember that whatever age I was, that number just also happened to be my jean size.  I lost some weight during the summer of my 16th birthday while  living with my mom in Greenville, North Carolina at the Red Roof Inn. This just happened to be where my step-dad's job was stationing them at. I was able to get fit by staying out by the pool from the time it opened till they came to make me leave & by living off microwaved meals. So, at 17 years old I was comfortable with my body. Over the next few years I moved out on my own and dealt with life's stress by eating, so I gained weight again.

In 2003, I had started to get back control of my weight. I had just ended a two year relationship & so I wanted to feel confident putting myself back out in the dating scene. I was a size 16 when I met my hubs & I became pregnant. Even though I gained 25lbs with my first daughter, I lost all of the weight but 5lbs after she was born. In the next year, while being a sahm, i gained back all my 'baby weight' plus 5lbs. I was now teetering around the 200lb mark. This made me disgusted with myself. For the next two year I managed to loose 5lbs, then found out I was pregnant (after trying to conceive for months). So, again dieting would have to wait. This time I gained 19lbs with my second child & unfortunately after a traumatic birth, 4 weeks later a hysterectomy, then my hubs got laid off from work & i had postpartum depression; I didn't loose any of the weight but in fact during the entire year of 2008 I gained an additional 23lbs. This put me at my heaviest weight of 237lbs. I was mortified that I let myself get this unhealthy, this fat, this large & I was ready to do something about it.

I became obsessed with going to the gym and finally after talking to my obgyn about being depressed b/c of my weight, he agreed to give me one months worth of adipex. I took the advice from my co-worker and split the pill in half allowing me to stretch it out for two months. During the following 7 months I lost the 23lbs. After this weight loss is when I was separated from my hubs for four months. During our separation I lost down to 191lbs b/c I had little access to food (see previous blogs). In Feb 2011, I was now back to the weight I was before I got pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was so happy & planned on keeping it up with eating right and exercising.  *FAIL*

After being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder the doctors placed me on three different medicines that caused me to sleep ALL THE DAMN TIME! (see previous blogs) Ultimately, Since FEB 2011 I've gained 55lbs from sitting on my ass! Once I started gaining the weight back my "give a shit" went out the door. Not to mention that when you are addicted to chocolate like I am, it's very hard to make brownies for your kids and not want to eat one.( Loved the brownie batter too!) Brownies make a wonderful breakfast too, while your at it...have one for lunch as well! One pan of brownies wouldn't last 24hrs in my house. The same goes for chocolate chip cookies, cake, ice cream.  So here I am, sitting on my fat ass, blogging about how my ass has gotten this fat.


The way I see it..... I really should not have let it get this bad. I know I procrastinate about doing things around the house but BEING HEALTHY is not something we moms should put on the back burner.


This is not even the reason I was doing this blog, lol. Gosh, I swear I have adhd too! i guess I will get started on another blog so I can talk about joining a weight loss clinic and going to the gym with a fat ass. Let me go get started on that now ;)