One Day Away

As Jamie and I discuss the days I spent in Empire I have come to realize I was living each day with the possibility of being one day away from being homeless, one day away from getting pulled over with someone in my car that had drugs on them, one day away from the cops searching the apartment to find all D's drug paraphernalia, one day away from being in a physically abusive relationship, one day away from becoming a drug addict, one day away from loosing my jeep, one day away from loosing everything that kept me grounded.

I was standing on the edge of a cliff, holding my arms out to keep my balance. I was so weak and broken down mentally that all it would have took was one small wind gust to push me over the edge, into the deepest, darkest and most evil place anyone can imagine. I was one day away from going to Hell. Why do I say this? Well, I was living the lifestyle and making bad choices. I was choosing to be in this situation and I was accepting of everything that came with it. I was so depressed I wanted my life to end. Had I ended my life this way I was surely going to Hell.

Easter Sunday (April 24th, 2011) was also my 7 year wedding anniversary with my husband. We started our day at church, with our family. As the pastor started preaching his sermon I said to myself "today shouldn't be a message about me, there shouldn't be any reason for me to cry", boy was I wrong. As always, his message spoke directly to my heart. The message was about "Different as Night & Day". This was exactly what Jamie and I had been discussing the day before.

One day I was one day away from divorce, loosing custody of my children, loosing my only way of transportation, loosing my strength to carry on, I was one day away from dieing and going straight to hell. I didn't have it all together, but I also thought I was in control. That was my mistake. I forgot everything I knew about God. My life was already planned out before I was ever born. God was in control. I prayed for God to help me see the light and to help me get out of my situation. One night I was one day away from never being able to go back and the next day I was out of the darkness and back into the light. The darkness disappeared and the light began to shine down on me and what I was suppose to do to get my life back. I wanted my life back and I was willing to do whatever it took. One night, I thought I was done, my life was over, there was no going back and the next day God reinstated me to where I was suppose to be. I AM DIFFERENT AS NIGHT & DAY.

Men may let you down but Christ will never let you down. He was there the entire time, right by my side. I know now that the reason I didn't loose it all, the reason I was spared from the darkness is because I am a child of God. This was him testing me, and no matter who believes it or not, I know I passed the test. I may have made many many mistakes, many many bad choices but I made the most important one of all. I choose to get my life back.

Just in case you are reading this and some of what I have said sounds familiar, its because this blog came to mind when I was sitting in church on Easter Sunday. Many of the statements made by my pastor I felt they were directed toward me about my situation so I jotted them down in my little book and put them all together. So I give a big thank you to my pastor. My husband, my pastor, my blogging and my God are helping me through this with a better understanding of everything that has happened.

By the way.. .. .. Thanks for reading my blogs, whoever you are :)