Who Am i

I have been seeing a psycologist each week since getting out of the hospital. She is a wonderful lady, I really enjoy talking to her. She listens to what I say, never judging me, and gives me answers to questions that I never knew I needed to know.

I feel like I have two opposite personalities; good & bad. I wonder, do most people have a good side, and a bad side? With my "good" personality; I have always been overly concerned with the way other people view me. I dont like confrontations, and I am a very emotional person. If I see someone else crying, more than likely I will tear up as well. I love God and enjoy going to church every Sunday & Wednesday, I enjoy helping people in need, that is IF I can. I enjoy spending quality time with my children and family. I tend to be happier and more outgoing. On the other side, I can be controlling, irritable, and I get frustrated when things dont go according to plans. I want to get away from everyone and just go hang out with my friends, I constantly look for babysitters for my kids so I can go out,  I like tattoos (have talked about getting one), and I like piercings (I had my lip pierced not too long ago), I dont see anything wrong with having a drink of alcohol, I even smoked cigarettes twice in my past. I enjoy going to bars to sing karaoke and as much as I hate to admit this one....I enjoy going to strip clubs, my best friend is an ex-stripper & I love how she dances, I see nothing wrong with being a stripper, HECK, if I had a good body I'd be one, they make alot of money! - - ok, a little off my point I am trying to make........

 I have come to accept being bipolar, however I am trying to figure out where does my bipolar disorder end and my true personality begin? Am I by Gods choice a good person, or a bad person? Can I be both?  This is a werid thought but it is really becoming heavy on my mind and in my heart.  My wonderful husband has always said that I seem to conform to the people I am around at any given moment. So on Sunday I am a goody too shoes, but then on friday I am a party animal. Not nessisarly every week, not so much that distintive but I can see what he means. Its almost as if I mimic the personality of the people I am speaking with or hanging out with. 

If I changed my surroundings would that "bad side" go away or would it still be there because it is part of my overall personality, or is the bad stuff I enjoy just part of a manic episode due to my bipolar disorder?

All things being said, This is me, I am who I am. I firmly believe that GOD accepts us all as long as we have a good caring heart. I have been saved, and baptised and I believe I am going to heaven when I die. Just maybe in time I will find the answers to all my questions.