What is it that drives people to do better in life? Is it something they were born with, like a specific gene or personality trait?
I'm constantly thinking back on my life growing up and seeing how my child hood has played a big part in the type of person I am today. I know there are many people that have experienced a more traumatic life that I have lived, and don't think this is about a pity part because it's far from it, but my life doesn't match up to what I see in other people.
For example, from my perspective I grew up poor. I had shoes with holes in them, jeans ripped and stained, toys from the thrift store and had to share a bunk bed with my half brother that is three years younger than me. We shared a bedroom in a single wide trailer, we had just enough room for our bed and TV stand. We shared a small closet and a small dresser. While kids at school were talking about the latest video game systems, my dad was looking for parts for our Atari at the thrift store.
As if my living conditions were not enough, I was scrawny, not skinny. Until I hit puberty that is. My family says that as a small girl I looked sickly. I assume that means I looked like a kid that didn't get fed the right types of food. In defense to my dad's girlfriend (will also be referred to as my step-mom Tena) I remember her cooking every day. Dad enforced the rule that you don't get up from the table until all your food is gone. As for my hair, I had kinky curly hair that my step-mom insisted on brushing everyday instead of wetting and putting gel on it. No one ever took me to the dentist and therefore I grew up with a severe overbite that could have been corrected if they would have took advantage of the free medicaid I had due to our low income family. This was one of the biggest issues I dealt with growing up. I was constantly made fun of for my teeth. Something that could have been easily fixed had my "parents" had the motivation to do better than what they had going for them. So, I ask again, where does motivation come from?
My dad worked, I can remember him having several different jobs. I am not sure why he couldn't hold onto any one specific one but he did work. We had food stamps and free health insurance provided by the government so all the basics were covered. We had just enough to get by. My dad has always been a musician and just like a clock on the wall every Friday & Saturday night my father would go to some random bar and play with his band till 3:00 a.m. or so, every weekend for as long as I can remember. He still does this to this very day. I ask, where did all his money go? I could understand being poor if we had a lot of bills but my dad never has had a brand new car, or cell phones or any expensive items. Everything we owned was paid for except our lot rent for our trailer.
It's selfish of me to ask why didn't he try harder to provide better, but I do so because I could never be truly happy if I knew my own children were going through a similar situation. Did my father not see how we kids were mistreated due to his inability to provide his family with basic needs of clothing and dental care? Did my step-mom not care that I came home from school constantly crying because of other kids poking fun of me? I would never let my children continue to be put in a situation like that, especially one that can be easily changed.
As a mother, it breaks my heart to know that some parents lack certain motivation to do better for their children. I'm not the perfect mother, no one is, but I like to think that when my kids look back on how I've raised them they will be able to say that I did my best.
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