Swooping

 I still don't quite understand fully what provokes someone to become involved with a married person?
What is so hard about saying to the person, "get a divorce then we can see where this goes". It is not excusable. There is no if ands or buts about it. If you have an interest in someone that is involved with someone else why would you want to pursue them?

My husband and I both were involved in relationships outside of our marriage. D was my "other person". Out of respect for MY HUSBAND, I will not give the name of his ex-girlfriend But I will reference her as "MBW". Everyone knows her name anyway so it doesn't matter. (When you sleep with a married man, there are consequenses, and being talked about by the wife are one of them!)

From my point of view D saw me as a useful tool. A way out of poverty. He saw me as someone he could use. He didn't see me as a wonderful girl that he could love and make happy. He saw me for what could he get out of me.  "MBW" was there to listen to Jamie and give advice but at what point did she think about crossing that friendship line? Did she see the same from my husband that D saw from me, A useful tool? Did she look at him as her way back into Alabama, a father figure for her kids, or just someone to use for sex? Did she really believe after 7 years of marriage it would be over just like that and that she could swoop in and have him all to herself?

Going back to what I can remember, it was around June that she entered our lives. She was dating one of Jamie's friends from work. Everything started out innocent, as a friend on Facebook. She even had added me at one time as a mutual facebook friend. The relationship she had with Jamie's friend didn't last very long but even after it ended for whatever reason she continued to talk to Jamie online.

At first, I thought nothing of it, just some random chick that is trying to hang on to her ex by keeping mutual friends. I am not sure how much time went by but soon she began texting Jamie's cellphone. Around August, just like every year before Jamie and I started having our usual fights. He became distant even faster this time. I could tell something was different. I didn't have anyone to turn to so I tried harder to make him happy. I thought that because I had a full-time job that kept us from spending much time together that was some of the reason for our fights so I quit my job. This enabled me to make sure the house and kids were taken care of. It also gave us more time together with his swinging shifts. Nothing I did made things better. Our fights kept getting worse and eventually I became suspicious of this female that was on his facebook.

Over and over I questioned her motives, and questioned their relationship. Over and over he denied anything was going on and even suggested that I was having another emotional affair of my own, which for once wasn't the case. Jamie denied her being anything more than overly friendly. So, to keep the peace, I backed off and let it go. When I realized things were not getting any better and I made my plans to leave Jamie, I had no idea how close he and "MBW" had become.

It wasn't until after I came back home in February that I learned she and him had discussed having a date before I ever left. Also, she made her move on Jamie about a week after I left him. So, my gut instints were right the whole time. She is like a vulture, she preyed on my husband waiting for him to become vulnerable then she made her move. I now know her motives were there way before I left. She was preying on him waiting for my mistake so she could swoop in on a man in trouble.

When you are in a serious relationship with someone you want to be their #1 but how can you honestly see yourself as the #1 if they have someone else on the side? It must take a person with very low self worth to do this. More importantly, once the relationship is resolved and the couple remain together what makes it so hard for the "other person" to just back off and give that involved person some time and space to work on their relationship. The "other person" is never thinking of anyone else, they are only concerned with what happiness they can get out of this situation.  More importantly if kids are involved they should stay away until all matters are settleed. Have some consideration of the children and how important it is for them to have both parents in their life.

 So, I ask...what mindset do you have to be in to go swooping in that fast on a marriage in trouble, without giving it time for any healing, or any understanding at all.

Bottom line, don't prey upon married people. It hardly ever works out to "the other person's" advantage. You will look pathetic, and desperate. Don't swoop in while they are vulnerable, don't swoop in at all.